1 00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,353 % % [Rock] 2 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,337 Come on, man. Little steps. Little steps. 3 00:00:38,405 --> 00:00:40,965 Come on, man. You look like you're gonna cry. Come on. 4 00:00:41,410 --> 00:00:42,975 All right. 5 00:00:43,430 --> 00:00:45,944 I just want you to remember one thing, pal. 6 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,380 Everybody here loves you, okay? 7 00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:51,310 Do you have your shots? [Chuckles] 8 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,319 [Men Cheering] Hey.! 9 00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:59,381 Hey, Jeremy! 10 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,485 [Man] Come on, man. Come on. Everybody's here. 11 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:08,830 - Hey, hey, hey! - Hey, dead man walkin'! 12 00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:11,803 [Chattering] 13 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:13,429 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! 14 00:01:13,506 --> 00:01:17,203 Hey,J. Man, let me see those hands. You scared? 15 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:23,772 What's up, Jer? This is premium shit. 16 00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:26,785 - Premium. Get a sip of that. - [Man 17 00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:30,619 - Don't change. - Hey, Jer. How you doing? 18 00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:33,625 [Chattering] 19 00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,594 [Laughing] 20 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,893 Jeremy, this is for us. Kerri's not gonna see this. 21 00:01:38,965 --> 00:01:40,899 - Oh, yes, she is. - Don't do it, Jeremy. 22 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:42,958 Don't do it. 23 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:47,667 Jer, I gotta do it, my friend. 24 00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,139 Sorry, buddy. 25 00:01:53,213 --> 00:01:56,182 [Man Shouting] Are we ready for the main event, gentlemen? 26 00:01:56,249 --> 00:01:59,116 - Let's get it ready to rock! - [Men Cheering] 27 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:02,882 Oh, come on, Jeremy. "A" game here, pal. 28 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,424 Let's get it on! 29 00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,861 This evening's entertainment. Hey, ladies. 30 00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,864 [All Cheering] 31 00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:15,867 Yes.! 32 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:19,630 [Man Oh, man, that's the best you can do? 33 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:25,806 [Man] Oh, yeah. 34 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:29,700 That's why we love you! [Mouths Words] 35 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,856 I killed the hooker. She's fuckin' dead! 36 00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:42,861 - [Record Needle Scratches] - [Man 37 00:02:42,929 --> 00:02:44,863 Okay, she's not dead. 38 00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:48,940 - She's just real sore. - [Men] Ooh.! 39 00:03:02,215 --> 00:03:07,175 Please. The only thing that's sore on me is my ear. 40 00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:09,414 Who's next? 41 00:03:09,489 --> 00:03:11,889 How 'bout it, bachelor? 42 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:15,587 - Uh, no-no, thanks. Maybe next time. - [Men Groaning] 43 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:19,223 - I'll go. - [Man the longest 30 seconds of her life. 44 00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:32,306 Hey, man, what are you doing? You can't bring your fiancée here. 45 00:03:34,147 --> 00:03:36,581 Come on. 46 00:03:36,649 --> 00:03:40,160 - Would you relax, man. - I can't relax. I'm gonna tell them. 47 00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:42,540 No. No. 48 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:44,715 Come on, man. Don't do it. 49 00:03:44,791 --> 00:03:47,919 Look, you're gonna ruin everyone's time. 50 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,724 "Ruin everyone's time"? I'm not gonna tell them we're out of beer. 51 00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:54,324 Oh, man. Jer... [Grunts] 52 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,391 Just let it go. 53 00:03:57,403 --> 00:04:01,339 % % [Rock Continues] 54 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:10,682 [Mutters] 55 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,742 - [Men Chattering, Laughing] - % % [Ends] 56 00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:20,282 % % [Rock Resumes] 57 00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:28,320 Whoo. [Chuckling] 58 00:04:31,137 --> 00:04:33,662 [Slurring] Look at you. I mean, you... 59 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,732 you-you look a nervous wreck. 60 00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:39,937 You know what it is, don't you? 61 00:04:40,130 --> 00:04:42,311 It is a sign. 62 00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:46,110 Nerves are a sign that somethin' ain't right. 63 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:49,282 You should heed the sign so that you know... 64 00:04:49,355 --> 00:04:53,883 and stop what it is you doin'. [Belches] 65 00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:57,429 [Belches] 66 00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,193 Instincts. 67 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:03,895 An animal always relies on his instincts. 68 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,904 You think a rabbit... 69 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:10,170 wanders into a dark cave that he's never been in before? 70 00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:15,237 Hell no! That's because his instincts tell him that it's wrong. 71 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,446 He needs his instincts to survive. 72 00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,488 He's always listening to them. 73 00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:26,891 Jeremy... 74 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,120 if your instincts are telling you this is wrong... 75 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:32,653 then by God, get out of the dark cave, brother. 76 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:37,270 Stop the wed... wedding. 77 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:41,239 Well, my instincts are telling me if I continue to stand here... 78 00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,370 I'm gonna be scraping some pretty nasty stuff off my shoes. 79 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:47,204 So I'm gonna listen to them. Thanks. 80 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,249 - Oh, man. - [Retching] 81 00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,648 Nurse, get this guy a drink! 82 00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:55,210 Get this guy a drink. % % [Humming "Here Comes The Bride"] 83 00:05:55,288 --> 00:05:57,916 - Right. - % % [Humming "Here Comes The Bride"] 84 00:05:57,990 --> 00:05:59,924 God, look at this shit. This makes me sad. 85 00:05:59,992 --> 00:06:02,859 I bet you've been getting horror stories about married life, am I right? 86 00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,727 - Yeah, I've gotten a few. - Don't believe the hype, sir. 87 00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:08,596 I incurred all that shit back when I was getting married. 88 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:11,466 Everyone told me all sorts of bad things about getting married. 89 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,630 None of those horror stories happened to me. 90 00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:16,368 I fucking... I love being married. I fucking love it, dude! 91 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:19,570 My wife is my life. And you know what the secret to marriage is? 92 00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:22,808 - What's that? - You get out of it what you put into it. 93 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,816 Exactly what you put into it. 94 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,978 If your life in marriage becomes some sort of horrible Stephen King novel... 95 00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:31,251 it is because you yourself are Dolores Claiborne. 96 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:35,900 - That's cool. - Guys have this weird thing about marriage. 97 00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:38,892 They see it as this big fucking commitment, but that's just bullshit, man. 98 00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,957 'Cause commitment, I always say, is just a word. Okay? 99 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:45,300 Commitment is just a word. By the time you're ready to get married... 100 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:48,336 you've already been in a committed relationship for a while, right? 101 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:52,777 So at that point, marriage is just a ceremony and a killer fucking party... 102 00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,439 and a change in your tax status, that's right. 103 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,881 - Well, I guess you're right. - Of course I'm fucking right! 104 00:06:57,950 --> 00:07:02,512 That's why I'm sharing this with you 'cause I know it's tough to find a commiserator amongst all these knuckleheads. 105 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,852 No, I appreciate it. I appreciate that. Thank you. 106 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:09,418 And let me tell you about one more thing to ease your conscience... the bachelor party. 107 00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:13,226 - Please. - The bachelor party is kind of like declaring martial law... 108 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:15,961 for married guys, or about-to-be married guys. 109 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:17,969 So, what I'm saying, is at that point... 110 00:07:18,370 --> 00:07:21,905 all the rules and all the structures get kicked to the fucking curb, right? 111 00:07:21,974 --> 00:07:25,273 So that means you relax, you have a good time... a very good time. 112 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,505 - No worries, man. No worries. - Yeah. All right. 113 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,912 - I love you. I love you to death. - Thanks for coming. 114 00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,574 - Okay. - Who's next? 115 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:35,180 Uh, that'd be me. Excuse me, gentlemen. 116 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:36,987 - Hi. - Hi. 117 00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,470 Mmm! 118 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:44,457 Jeremy, I'm gonna get out of this exactly what I put into it. 119 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:48,762 - You are tall, ain't you? - [Laughing] 120 00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:50,769 "Commitment is just a word." 121 00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,320 Well, apparently. 122 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:58,810 Yeah. Then again, we are under martial law. 123 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:00,869 You know what, Shane? 124 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:07,850 - Time for my announcement. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. 125 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:09,854 Why you so hell-bent on doing this? 126 00:08:09,922 --> 00:08:12,914 Because... this is my bachelor party... 127 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:16,520 and my wedding has been canceled. 128 00:08:16,128 --> 00:08:21,191 See what I'm getting at? Secondly, I don't wanna hear any more stupid theories on marriage from these clowns. 129 00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:24,498 And lastly, to get this goddamn bowling ball off my leg. 130 00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:28,939 Mmm. Well, as far as the bowling ball goes, it stays. 131 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,306 [Clears Throat] We lost the keys. 132 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:35,380 And as far as the bullshit theories on marriage go... 133 00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,246 well, at least... 134 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,549 you can ignore them, you can blow 'em off. 135 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,590 They don't mean anything to you. 136 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,818 If you go around telling everybody here... 137 00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:51,159 that you got dumped, you're gonna have to start hearing their theories on that. 138 00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:53,596 [Jeremy] I didn't get dumped. 139 00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:57,261 Wait. No, don't... don't get upset, all right? 140 00:08:57,336 --> 00:09:02,000 What? What are you getting upset at? If anyone has a reason to get upset, it should be me. 141 00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:04,650 - Why should you be upset? - Because... 142 00:09:04,143 --> 00:09:07,340 you guys call off the wedding and I'm stuck with airplane tickets to New Jersey. 143 00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:11,247 I get one... one vacation a year, Jer... 144 00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:14,878 and I gotta spend it in the land of chicks with big hair? 145 00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:19,150 And the Boss? I mean, what kind of vacation is that? 146 00:09:21,127 --> 00:09:23,891 Jer, listen. 147 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:28,240 This is a situation that most guys would kill for... 148 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:34,996 a totally guilt-free bachelor party. 149 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,103 - How cool is that? - Hey. 150 00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:41,669 Time for the time-honored tradition... 151 00:09:41,747 --> 00:09:43,977 the creaming of the breasts. [Chuckles] 152 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,245 Hey! [Laughs] 153 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:52,247 - All right, I'll go with it a little longer. - Yes! Yes! That is more like it. 154 00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:58,187 Just... what do you guys do in Jersey for fun, anyway? 155 00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,960 [Man] You making love to that? Hmm? 156 00:10:03,350 --> 00:10:05,560 Are you gonna drink that? What are you doin'? 157 00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,732 [Man Oh. Uh... Uh, I'm sorry. My bad, man. 158 00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:15,602 I was just thinking. [Sighs] 159 00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:19,640 I tell ya, man. The more and more I think about it... 160 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,118 Prince is pretty fucking cool. 161 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,158 What? 162 00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:29,251 You know what I mean, man? Relatively speaking. 163 00:10:32,698 --> 00:10:34,757 Well, at least he ain't like that Michael Jackson character... 164 00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,768 always doing, like, weird stuff and shit. 165 00:10:36,836 --> 00:10:40,829 Like now he wants to, like, fucking buy the Elephant Man's bones and, like... 166 00:10:40,906 --> 00:10:42,840 screwin' around with little boys and shit. 167 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:45,741 - You know what I'm saying. - Yeah, nothing wrong with Prince. 168 00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:49,645 Little dude with a pompadour running around in fuck-me boots singing like a chick. 169 00:10:49,715 --> 00:10:52,946 Yeah, he's weird, like... I mean... 170 00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:55,180 Okay, I wouldn't hang out with him or anything... 171 00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:59,880 but at least he's married to a hot chick and he ain't screwing around with little boys. 172 00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:02,559 The only reason he's not screwing around with little boys is he can't hold 'em down. 173 00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,994 The scrawny fucker's only four feet tall. 174 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,398 [Laughing] Michael Jackson ain't exactly Stone Cold Steve Austin, ya know. 175 00:11:09,468 --> 00:11:12,960 No, but he'd kick Prince's little bitch-ass. 176 00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:15,300 What? 177 00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:21,345 You ever see those kicks Prince throws out on stage? 178 00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:25,214 He'd take Michael Jackson out with one of those roundhouses into his shit. 179 00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:28,913 The Rockettes kick when they sing. It doesn't make 'em black belts. 180 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:32,583 I never said he was a black belt. I just said he'd kick Michael Jackson’s ass any day. 181 00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:35,889 - I'd put money on it. - Please, Biscuit, you're giving me a headache with that. 182 00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,429 Call Don King and set it up. But until then... 183 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:41,570 finish that up and let's do this. 184 00:11:42,468 --> 00:11:44,402 You ready? 185 00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,633 [Whispering] Did you hear that? 186 00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,931 You didn't hear that fucking noise? 187 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:21,310 What was it? 188 00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,980 It sounded... 189 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,912 It sounded like "When Doves Cry." [Laughing] 190 00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:32,348 You scared the shit out of me, fucking asshole. Fuck you. 191 00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:08,877 % % [Whistles "Shave And A Haircut"] 192 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,461 [Door Slams] 193 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:28,567 [Snoring] 194 00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:43,285 [Chuckling] 195 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,368 [Coughs] 196 00:14:13,752 --> 00:14:15,743 [Sighs] 197 00:14:31,303 --> 00:14:34,295 [Urinating] 198 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,107 [Banging] 199 00:14:58,163 --> 00:15:00,970 [Light Switch Clicks] 200 00:15:19,952 --> 00:15:21,943 [Banging] 201 00:15:36,969 --> 00:15:38,960 [Chuckles] 202 00:15:57,389 --> 00:16:00,586 - Oh, shit. - [Laughing] That was so fucking close! 203 00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:02,957 Now that, my friend, is what it's all about. 204 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,963 Good going with the pictures. I like that one. It's subtle, you know. 205 00:16:06,310 --> 00:16:08,864 Who knows when he's gonna notice that shit? It's gonna fuck him up! 206 00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:12,301 - He's gonna be calling Ghostbusters. - [Laughs] Ghostbusters. 207 00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:16,239 Oh, man, we gotta bring Jeremy with us sometime, dude. He'll fucking dig this. 208 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,469 Hey, shit stain, Jeremy's coming home to get married. 209 00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:21,775 I don't think he'll have time to go breaking into people's houses with us. 210 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:24,873 Maybe we could bring a stripper and call it a bachelor party. 211 00:16:24,950 --> 00:16:28,100 I heard Clyde pimps out Bonnie for just that kind of thing. 212 00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:31,284 [Engine Starts] 213 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:33,348 Let's get outta here. 214 00:16:35,461 --> 00:16:39,560 [Jeremy] Shane, how am I gonna get through the metal detector with this thing on? - [Shane] What, are you kidding me? 215 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:43,295 You ever see the people who watch these things, man? They probably won't even notice. 216 00:16:43,369 --> 00:16:46,361 It's scary to think they're the first line of defense against terrorism. 217 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,660 Well, sad as they are, I think they'll notice this. 218 00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:53,202 - And what's Kerri gonna think? - Hey. Hey, who cares what she thinks? 219 00:16:53,278 --> 00:16:56,645 Just tell her it's a little reminder of the kick-ass bachelor party you had. 220 00:16:56,715 --> 00:16:59,149 It'll probably burn her up that you still went through with it. 221 00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,585 - I'm not trying to burn her up, Shane. - Why not? 222 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:05,885 Because if I piss her off, I'll never find out why she called off the wedding. 223 00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,254 I can't believe you don't know. 224 00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,661 I haven't had a chance to really talk to her yet. 225 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,666 I finally get one and I've got a bowling ball chained to my leg. 226 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:20,171 - Whoa. What? Are you afraid you're gonna have to run away? - I might. 227 00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:23,606 Well, in that case... 228 00:17:25,244 --> 00:17:28,736 - [Jeremy] You've had the key this whole time? - What? 229 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:31,442 I broke three tiles in my bathroom trying to shower with this. 230 00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:35,476 - [Whimpering, Laughing] - You're a prick. 231 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:37,681 Shut up. 232 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,486 Glad to see you're having fun. 233 00:17:43,829 --> 00:17:46,423 Kerri, wait. 234 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:48,932 - Hurry up. - [Chain Rattling] 235 00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:52,664 - Kerri.! - All right, all right. You're free. 236 00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:58,674 - Hey, Jer. Don't forget to pick me up in Jersey tomorrow! - Kerri. 237 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,735 Jer! 238 00:18:13,158 --> 00:18:15,149 Okay, here we go. 239 00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:19,320 What the hell was that supposed to mean, "Glad to see you're having fun"? 240 00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:21,832 Come on, Jeremy. You don't think I got the message out there? 241 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,894 - What message? What are you talking about? - We're flying home for what would be our wedding, but it's not... 242 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:30,806 and your friend is removing a ball and chain from your ankle for me to see? 243 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:33,344 I got the message. It was very cute. 244 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:37,750 Jesus, Kerri, that's not what that was. That was for my bachelor party last night. 245 00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:40,846 Your bachelor party? Jeremy, we're not getting married. 246 00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,479 Yeah, I've heard. 247 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:50,986 Let me ask you a real stupid question. 248 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:55,220 Have you told everybody that the wedding's off yet? 249 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,235 [Sighs] 250 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,204 [Scoffs] Unbelievable. 251 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:04,242 Look, Kerri, l-I have told a few people... 252 00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:07,500 but every time I tell someone, they say, "What happened?" 253 00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:09,130 I don't know what happened. 254 00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:12,710 So the next time somebody asks you what happened, tell them you don't know. 255 00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:15,446 They'll understand. 256 00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:20,382 Don't worry, Jeremy. I'm not gonna bother you the whole flight. 257 00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:23,553 As soon as everyone gets on, I'm gonna find an empty seat and move. 258 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:27,622 No. Kerri, I don't want you to move. I wanna talk to you. 259 00:19:27,699 --> 00:19:30,190 - Oh, you wanna talk now, huh? - Yes. 260 00:19:30,269 --> 00:19:32,567 You didn't wanna talk the night we called the wedding off. 261 00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,129 You didn't wanna talk when you moved out. 262 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:38,870 Here. There's a magazine... 263 00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:41,710 'cause it's too late for talking. 264 00:19:42,314 --> 00:19:46,800 Hey, slick, why don't you move on over? 265 00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:50,344 Come on. 266 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,556 [Pilot] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for choosing West-To-East Airlines... 267 00:19:57,629 --> 00:20:01,565 for today's nonstop flight from Las Vegas to Newark, New Jersey. 268 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,124 Due to a cancellation of last night's red-eye flight... 269 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:06,171 we're expecting a full flight this morning. 270 00:20:06,238 --> 00:20:09,366 So we're gonna ask that you move to your seats and keep the aisles clear... 271 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:13,969 so we can finish the boarding process and begin final preparations before takeoff. 272 00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:16,370 Thank you. 273 00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:21,518 [Man] Good morning, ladies. Off to school, are we? 274 00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:24,750 - [Biscuit] Would you like to take a ride? - Do you need a tutor? 275 00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:28,540 [Biscuit] Me, me, me, me. 276 00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:33,290 Yo, my name's Biscuit. Show me your buns. 277 00:20:33,980 --> 00:20:36,499 [Boy] Look at these fucking guys. What a life they got. 278 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:39,799 - [Boy - That doesn't seem like work to me. 279 00:20:39,871 --> 00:20:44,350 I'm thinking about asking them for a summer job. How cool would that be? 280 00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,737 Are you kidding? Justin Calderone worked for 'em last summer. 281 00:20:46,812 --> 00:20:49,645 He was in a 12-step program by August. Look at 'em. 282 00:20:49,715 --> 00:20:52,707 It's 7:30 in the morning and they're drinking already. 283 00:20:52,784 --> 00:20:57,153 I heard by noon he had to drive the truck. And Justin didn't even have a license. 284 00:20:57,222 --> 00:20:59,588 I'm surprised they still have all their limbs. 285 00:20:59,658 --> 00:21:02,126 I mean, look at all those mowers and Weedwhackers. 286 00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:04,162 That's pretty dangerous. 287 00:21:04,229 --> 00:21:06,493 It's just a matter of time. 288 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:08,556 S'up? 289 00:21:21,790 --> 00:21:25,106 Sir, I'm sorry. She's gonna have to return her seat to the upright position. 290 00:21:25,183 --> 00:21:27,845 - We're about to land. - Yeah, okay. 291 00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,521 Sorry about the drool. 292 00:21:31,590 --> 00:21:35,260 Yeah, it's okay. Uh, sorry about the gum. 293 00:21:35,930 --> 00:21:37,926 [Groans] 294 00:21:37,996 --> 00:21:40,191 I blew a bubble. You moved your head. 295 00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,256 [Groans] 296 00:21:47,105 --> 00:21:50,370 I'm gonna rent a car. I can give you a lift to your parent's house. 297 00:21:50,442 --> 00:21:54,469 No, thanks. Marty's coming to get me. 298 00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:58,778 Besides, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to be around my dad right now. 299 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:02,581 What do you mean? Kerri, you're the one that called off the wedding, not me. 300 00:22:02,654 --> 00:22:07,910 I know, but I'm sure he thinks it's because of something you did. 301 00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:09,957 I didn't do anything. I even offered to pay back half the money. 302 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:11,962 It's not about the money, Jeremy. 303 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:14,624 I got the deposit back from the reception hall. 304 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:18,966 - I thought it was nonrefundable. - It was... 305 00:22:19,370 --> 00:22:21,972 but, um... but my mom said you died. 306 00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:27,773 They sent us an arrangement of flowers and a nice card. 307 00:22:27,846 --> 00:22:31,873 Well, that was sure supporting of them. Did your mother put them on my grave? 308 00:23:05,283 --> 00:23:07,274 What the hell... 309 00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:13,880 Kerri, this is stupid. Let me drive you home. It's not like I have to come into your house. 310 00:23:13,959 --> 00:23:18,200 You don't have to stay, Jer. She'll be here. 311 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,293 Is Jersey that depressing you had to go straight to the bar? 312 00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:25,598 - God, you look great! - I gave into society and joined some bullshit gym. 313 00:23:25,670 --> 00:23:30,539 You're looking pretty hot yourself. I guess the single life is agreeing with you. 314 00:23:30,609 --> 00:23:32,270 Hey, Jeremy, how you doing? 315 00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:35,177 [Groaning] 316 00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,545 Oh, I'm sorry. 317 00:23:37,616 --> 00:23:40,642 - Was those your little nuts, scumbag? - Marty, you said you wouldn't do that! 318 00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:43,279 [Marty] I'm sorry. It was a freak thing. 319 00:23:43,355 --> 00:23:45,550 - It was like a spasm. - Are you okay? 320 00:23:45,624 --> 00:23:49,924 Yeah, I'm fine. I just like to stretch out after long plane rides. 321 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:52,623 What better place than right here on the floor? 322 00:23:52,697 --> 00:23:55,666 I'm sorry. I didn't know she was gonna do that. 323 00:23:55,734 --> 00:23:58,362 She's just disappointed she's not gonna be maid of honor this weekend. 324 00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,667 You called off the wedding, not me. 325 00:24:00,739 --> 00:24:02,798 Because of something you did, I'm sure. 326 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:05,468 I'm gonna have to explain this a million times this week. 327 00:24:05,544 --> 00:24:07,705 Maybe then people will understand. 328 00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:11,408 Until then, you should probably get a cup. 329 00:24:13,585 --> 00:24:15,746 Good-bye, Jeremy. 330 00:24:18,890 --> 00:24:21,388 I don't know what you did, but you're killing her. 331 00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:24,361 You know that, right? 332 00:24:24,429 --> 00:24:27,421 % % [Rock] 333 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,650 [Whimpering] 334 00:25:17,115 --> 00:25:19,106 Motherfucker! 335 00:25:21,190 --> 00:25:23,579 % % [Continues] 336 00:25:57,322 --> 00:26:00,314 [Whimpering] 337 00:26:29,187 --> 00:26:31,519 [Whimpering] 338 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,582 % % [Continues Indistinctly] 339 00:26:47,906 --> 00:26:51,239 - [Lawn Mower Clanks] - [Whimpering] 340 00:26:51,309 --> 00:26:53,709 [Banging] 341 00:27:16,568 --> 00:27:18,559 Hey, Dad. 342 00:27:19,604 --> 00:27:21,595 Dad? 343 00:27:22,874 --> 00:27:24,865 Dad? 344 00:27:28,790 --> 00:27:31,742 - Hey, Mom. - Hey, handsome. 345 00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:34,910 - How was your flight? - Oh, you know, it was long. 346 00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:38,581 - Yeah. - So, is Dad losing his hearing? 347 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:42,423 - [Chuckles] What? - You guys are ready for a home. I knew it. 348 00:27:44,796 --> 00:27:46,730 You okay, Jeremy? 349 00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:48,766 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. 350 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:51,199 Things are just a little weird right now. 351 00:27:51,269 --> 00:27:55,933 Yeah. Everybody's asking me what happened, and I don't know what to tell 'em. 352 00:27:56,700 --> 00:28:00,603 I'm sorry. I should have called 'em. I don't know what to tell 'em either though. 353 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:04,979 Well, I'll keep holding 'em off, and when you're ready to talk to 'em, you can. 354 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:08,781 In the meantime, you must be starving. You want something to eat? 355 00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:10,878 Yeah, I could eat. 356 00:28:11,523 --> 00:28:14,219 Biscuit, I'm not trying to be the boss or nothing here... 357 00:28:14,292 --> 00:28:16,692 but you gotta stop doing that. 358 00:28:16,761 --> 00:28:19,594 We work in a dangerous environment where accidents are bound to happen. 359 00:28:19,664 --> 00:28:22,224 But we can't afford to lose any more customers... 360 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:25,326 not to mention what that does to the blades. 361 00:28:26,538 --> 00:28:28,529 You know... 362 00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,476 she didn't call the police until you got there, Gil. 363 00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:35,350 Hey, I was just doing some damage control. 364 00:28:35,113 --> 00:28:39,174 I was looking for a bright side. Just because she wasn't quite ready for that, don't blame me! 365 00:28:39,250 --> 00:28:42,947 You don't have to yell. I agreed with you, Gil. 366 00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:45,512 Her lawn will grow back healthier and thicker. 367 00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:50,687 I just think she needed a little bit more time before you started showing her the benefits. That's all. 368 00:28:50,762 --> 00:28:53,287 - [Scoffs] - Maybe if we just pretended nothing happened... 369 00:28:53,364 --> 00:28:56,197 we could have come back next week and she would have forgotten about it. 370 00:28:56,267 --> 00:29:00,363 "Pretended nothing happened"? Her backyard was so red, it looked like fucking Mars. 371 00:29:00,438 --> 00:29:04,499 I don't mean pretend it didn't happen. I mean, obviously it did. 372 00:29:04,576 --> 00:29:08,569 I just think we should have acted like it was no big deal. 373 00:29:08,646 --> 00:29:12,130 The dog's tongue actually hit her. 374 00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:17,721 Can we just drop it, please? 375 00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:23,183 Frankly, the whole thing is just a buzz kill, man. 376 00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:25,786 You think Jeremy’s home yet? 377 00:29:25,864 --> 00:29:28,458 [Chuckles] Our blushing groom? Probably. 378 00:29:28,533 --> 00:29:30,524 [Chuckles] Shit, man. 379 00:29:32,570 --> 00:29:34,561 Jeremy's getting married. 380 00:29:35,573 --> 00:29:38,167 That's weird. 381 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:40,336 We're gonna have to bring, like, flowers... 382 00:29:40,411 --> 00:29:43,938 or, like, a bottle of wine when we go over to his house now. 383 00:29:44,150 --> 00:29:48,475 Biscuit, when did you become Joe Rockefeller, lavishing gifts on women? 384 00:29:48,553 --> 00:29:52,450 For your information, I happen to have quite a reputation... 385 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:55,240 for being very generous when it comes to the ladies. 386 00:29:55,930 --> 00:29:59,393 [Scoffs] What? The last date you had was in sixth grade with Sarah Fargis. 387 00:29:59,464 --> 00:30:02,160 And the only thing I'm aware of you giving her was scabies. 388 00:30:02,233 --> 00:30:04,963 Is that your idea of a generous gift... a parasite? 389 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:08,597 Sarah Fargis gave me scabies. 390 00:30:08,673 --> 00:30:11,335 That's why I broke up with her. 391 00:30:14,279 --> 00:30:16,747 And I have had many dates since Miss Fargis, thank you. 392 00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:19,340 Oh, you broke up with her, huh? 393 00:30:19,417 --> 00:30:23,285 Biscuit, need I remind you that you were the only kid in elementary school with a restraining order? 394 00:30:23,354 --> 00:30:26,517 You weren't allowed on the playground for recess, for Christ sakes. 395 00:30:26,591 --> 00:30:30,721 All right, all right! Man! 396 00:30:30,795 --> 00:30:33,590 Fuck that Fargis bitch! 397 00:30:34,332 --> 00:30:37,893 - Can we please just go call Jeremy? - Sure. 398 00:30:50,982 --> 00:30:54,884 [Man] % I could never take the advice% 399 00:30:56,888 --> 00:31:00,949 % Oh, it's all pretty slow% 400 00:31:03,695 --> 00:31:08,598 % lf I were to hold my heart into my hands% 401 00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:12,659 % All its broken pieces% 402 00:31:13,771 --> 00:31:16,433 % Slip through my fingers% 403 00:31:16,507 --> 00:31:19,567 % In a world there's so many people% 404 00:31:19,644 --> 00:31:21,737 - % Who tried their hands at love% - [Speed Dialing] 405 00:31:21,813 --> 00:31:24,805 - % % [Continues] - [Line Ringing] 406 00:31:27,485 --> 00:31:29,453 [Line Ringing] 407 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,819 [Kerri] Hello. Hello? 408 00:31:32,891 --> 00:31:36,418 - Hello? - % Will I play that part again% 409 00:31:41,633 --> 00:31:45,899 - [Ringing] - % lf I took my own life% 410 00:31:47,772 --> 00:31:50,263 % Would you be the one% % 411 00:31:50,341 --> 00:31:52,275 - Hello? - [Gil] Hey, shit stain. 412 00:31:52,343 --> 00:31:54,470 - Hey, Gil, what's up, man? - How's it going? 413 00:31:54,545 --> 00:31:57,241 - I'm good. How you doing? - I'm all right. How was Sin City? 414 00:31:57,315 --> 00:32:01,115 Vegas is hot. It was 100 degrees when I left. That was 8:30 this morning. 415 00:32:01,185 --> 00:32:03,949 - Good God. Is the broad with you? - No, she's at her parent's house. 416 00:32:04,220 --> 00:32:06,820 - So, are you nervous? - No. Why should I be nervous? 417 00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:09,416 - You wanna go down to the Bootlegger? - Yeah. Is Biscuit with you? 418 00:32:09,494 --> 00:32:11,485 - Isn't he always? - Cool. 419 00:32:11,562 --> 00:32:15,890 - Do you need a lift? - No, it's okay. I got a rental car. 420 00:32:15,166 --> 00:32:18,897 - It's kind of cool seeing everything again, you know? - As if anything's changed. 421 00:32:18,970 --> 00:32:22,701 We're, like, stuck in a time capsule here. It's very sad. I'll see you there. 422 00:32:22,774 --> 00:32:24,935 All right. I'll see you there. 423 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,710 I need you. 424 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:38,111 - That's 20 bucks, asshole. - Fuck. 425 00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,389 What's 20 bucks? 426 00:32:45,330 --> 00:32:50,791 I bet Gil here 20 bucks that you'd come out of the closet before the end of the year. 427 00:32:50,868 --> 00:32:53,200 Out of the closet? I am not gay. 428 00:32:53,271 --> 00:32:56,763 - Yeah. - I'm just saying that the homosexual lifestyle... 429 00:32:56,841 --> 00:32:59,366 in theory, is ideal. 430 00:32:59,444 --> 00:33:03,730 Uh-huh. You're gay. 431 00:33:03,147 --> 00:33:05,877 - [Scoffs] You know what I'm saying. - No, I don't. 432 00:33:05,950 --> 00:33:09,283 I'm just saying guys and girls are just two different animals. 433 00:33:09,354 --> 00:33:12,812 Cats and dogs if you will. Guys are like the dogs... 434 00:33:12,890 --> 00:33:17,880 not too bright, they like to take rides in cars and they hump anyone's leg two seconds after they meet them. 435 00:33:17,161 --> 00:33:20,280 - Accurate? - For argument's sake, okay. 436 00:33:20,980 --> 00:33:22,726 All right. Now, girls are like the cats... 437 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,927 a little mysterious, kind of standoffish. 438 00:33:25,300 --> 00:33:28,404 It takes a long time to win 'em over, right? But once you do win 'em over... 439 00:33:28,473 --> 00:33:31,670 they're all rubbing on your leg and purring they love you and shit. 440 00:33:31,743 --> 00:33:34,337 Now, do cats love dogs? 441 00:33:34,412 --> 00:33:38,109 For the most part, no. Why? Because they're two different animals. It's unnatural. 442 00:33:38,182 --> 00:33:40,980 That's not to say there aren't cats and dogs that do get along. 443 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,317 But that takes special circumstances. They need to be raised together. 444 00:33:44,389 --> 00:33:46,755 One of them needs to be blind or something fucked up. 445 00:33:46,824 --> 00:33:50,590 Now, do dogs like dogs? 446 00:33:50,661 --> 00:33:54,324 They sure do. Two dogs meet, two minutes later, they're going at it wherever they are. 447 00:33:54,399 --> 00:33:57,835 Why? Because they're the same animal! They already know what each other wants. 448 00:33:57,902 --> 00:34:01,167 There's no games. Guys all know what other guys want... sex. 449 00:34:01,239 --> 00:34:04,174 That's it. No romance, no long strolls on the beach. 450 00:34:04,242 --> 00:34:07,143 Just straight-up nasty sex. You guys follow this? 451 00:34:07,211 --> 00:34:10,237 Allow me... 452 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,908 macho man. 453 00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:16,283 Thank you. Thank you very much. 454 00:34:16,354 --> 00:34:18,288 Fruitcake. 455 00:34:18,356 --> 00:34:22,224 I can't believe I left a gay guy in charge of the bachelor party. 456 00:34:22,293 --> 00:34:26,252 I am not gay! I just know what works and what doesn't. 457 00:34:26,330 --> 00:34:28,992 And men dating men works. 458 00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:33,937 - That was nice. - You know... 459 00:34:34,500 --> 00:34:37,441 You know, I can't believe this doesn't make sense to you guys. Think about it. 460 00:34:37,508 --> 00:34:40,330 There'd be no more arguing about what to watch on TV. 461 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:42,773 You could wear each other's clothes. 462 00:34:42,847 --> 00:34:46,780 You wouldn't have to buy that fat-free shit at the supermarket. It just works, man. 463 00:34:46,150 --> 00:34:50,180 - Are you done? - There'd be no more laboring over fancy pick-up lines. 464 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,852 It's just, "Hi. I'm Biscuit. Wanna fuck?" 465 00:34:52,924 --> 00:34:55,984 Will you... For Christ sakes, man! 466 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,120 Once you guys come out of the closet, it's gay this and gay that. 467 00:34:59,197 --> 00:35:01,529 Where the hell is Jeremy? At least he's getting married. 468 00:35:01,599 --> 00:35:04,670 - I don't have to worry about him turning gay on me. - Aha! 469 00:35:04,135 --> 00:35:07,195 - I'm glad you brought up getting married. - Oh. 470 00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:11,970 I believe weddings are the only reason girls and guys are together. 471 00:35:12,430 --> 00:35:16,980 Wedding's a strictly female thing. Guys could give a shit about a wedding or if they ever get married. 472 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:20,176 That's why girls marry guys... so they can be the center of attention. 473 00:35:20,251 --> 00:35:24,415 If girls were to marry girls, they'd have to share the spotlight. And they're not about to do that. 474 00:35:24,489 --> 00:35:30,520 So, they marry guys. Do you think Jeremy knows anything about his wedding? No. He could care less, I'll bet. 475 00:35:30,128 --> 00:35:32,255 - Can I buy you two drunks a beer? - [Gil] Hey.! 476 00:35:32,330 --> 00:35:36,460 - [Biscuit] Hey, man. - You guys haven't left these stools since I left you last, huh? 477 00:35:36,534 --> 00:35:38,968 - Yeah, we like it here. - What's going on? 478 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:41,470 You just missed it. Biscuit just came out of the closet. 479 00:35:41,539 --> 00:35:44,235 - Really? Did you pay Al? - I had to. 480 00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:47,380 I am not gay! 481 00:35:47,111 --> 00:35:50,171 - Jeremy, what color are the bridesmaid dresses? - I don't know. 482 00:35:50,248 --> 00:35:52,273 - See, he could give a shit. - Uh-huh. 483 00:35:52,350 --> 00:35:54,716 Jeremy, how you doin'? You're gettin' ready for the big day? 484 00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:58,846 - How are you? You look good. - How 'bout I buy you a drink on the house? 485 00:35:58,923 --> 00:36:01,500 - It's on me. - I'll take a beer. 486 00:36:01,125 --> 00:36:02,854 You got it. 487 00:36:02,927 --> 00:36:05,259 And how 'bout for the lady? 488 00:36:06,464 --> 00:36:09,558 A spritzer? Glass of wine? 489 00:36:09,634 --> 00:36:11,625 Don't rush me. 490 00:36:14,672 --> 00:36:18,130 - You done with work today? - [Gil] Uh, yeah. I think we'll call it a day. 491 00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:21,940 - [Al] Here you go. - Don't stop on my account. We have plenty of time for a bachelor party. 492 00:36:22,130 --> 00:36:25,107 No, we're not stopping on your account. We're stopping on his. 493 00:36:25,183 --> 00:36:27,117 He ran over a dog this morning. 494 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:30,120 Again? 495 00:36:31,389 --> 00:36:33,323 - This time it was an accident. - [Scoffs] 496 00:36:33,391 --> 00:36:35,450 Uh-huh. 497 00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:38,586 So, what's this wedding gonna be like? 498 00:36:38,663 --> 00:36:41,598 What do you mean? What do you think it's gonna be like, jackass? 499 00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:43,793 I don't know. I've never been to a wedding before. 500 00:36:43,868 --> 00:36:47,463 - You've never been to a wedding? - Hasn't your sister married? 501 00:36:47,538 --> 00:36:51,650 - Yeah, but I only saw pictures. - You didn't go to your own sister's wedding? 502 00:36:51,142 --> 00:36:53,133 No. My folks said I wouldn't like it. 503 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:57,910 They said there'd be, like, a lot of, um, like, dancing and, like, singing in Italian. 504 00:36:57,982 --> 00:37:00,610 That's not a wedding. That's an opera. 505 00:37:00,685 --> 00:37:02,778 You're not even Italian anyway. 506 00:37:02,853 --> 00:37:04,787 I thought it sounded kind of strange too. 507 00:37:04,855 --> 00:37:06,982 Anyway, I think we should talk about the wedding. 508 00:37:07,580 --> 00:37:10,619 I know you guys tried to tell me it was a mistake. 509 00:37:10,695 --> 00:37:13,528 [Gil] Oh. I knew this was gonna come up sooner or later. 510 00:37:13,598 --> 00:37:16,499 Jer, Biscuit and I were just being selfish. 511 00:37:16,567 --> 00:37:19,502 You know, we wanted you to stay one of the guys. 512 00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:22,130 Since you and Kerri went away to school together... 513 00:37:22,206 --> 00:37:24,504 and stuck it out and made a life for yourselves... 514 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:26,634 I mean, we couldn't be happier for you. 515 00:37:26,711 --> 00:37:29,179 Kerri is a beautiful, gorgeous girl... 516 00:37:29,247 --> 00:37:31,977 and quite frankly, I'm a little jealous. 517 00:37:32,490 --> 00:37:33,983 Me too! 518 00:37:35,253 --> 00:37:37,187 Et tu, Biscuit? 519 00:37:37,255 --> 00:37:39,951 I mean, Kerri's a great catch. 520 00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:43,892 She's smart, she's funny... 521 00:37:43,961 --> 00:37:45,792 she's beautiful. 522 00:37:45,863 --> 00:37:48,354 What more could a man ask for? 523 00:37:48,432 --> 00:37:50,423 [Sighs] 524 00:37:52,103 --> 00:37:55,766 I know we should have said this to you sooner, but you guys live in Vegas. 525 00:37:55,840 --> 00:37:59,606 - It's not like we see you a lot. - I can't believe you guys want me to get married. 526 00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:01,872 Yeah, of course we do, man. 527 00:38:01,946 --> 00:38:04,278 Kerri and I broke up. 528 00:38:05,349 --> 00:38:07,340 The wedding's off. 529 00:38:08,753 --> 00:38:10,983 Really? 530 00:38:11,550 --> 00:38:13,956 Yeah, really. We're not getting married. 531 00:38:16,827 --> 00:38:20,285 - That's fuckin' great! - No man should ever get married! 532 00:38:20,364 --> 00:38:22,355 - Really? This... It's off? - Yeah, it's off. 533 00:38:22,433 --> 00:38:27,393 - Ladies and gentlemen, we have a stay of execution. - Thank you, Governor. Close call. 534 00:38:27,471 --> 00:38:31,430 - You guys are happy about this? - Of course we're happy. 535 00:38:31,509 --> 00:38:33,773 I wouldn't wish marriage on my worst enemy. 536 00:38:33,844 --> 00:38:37,211 What about all that "you're lucky" stuff and "I'm jealous" shit? 537 00:38:37,281 --> 00:38:39,875 Dude, it almost killed me to say that shit to you. 538 00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:42,919 But we thought this is what you wanted, so we should encourage you. 539 00:38:42,987 --> 00:38:46,787 - Biscuit and I practiced all day yesterday. - We were pretty good, huh? 540 00:38:46,857 --> 00:38:49,417 Yeah. 541 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:53,259 - So why'd you dump her? - Because she was smothering the shit out of him. 542 00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:56,858 [Biscuit] Either that, or you hooked up with one of them Vegas showgirls, right? 543 00:38:56,934 --> 00:38:59,459 - Ooh, I forgot about the showgirls. - [Chuckles] 544 00:38:59,537 --> 00:39:02,970 Actually, she sort of called off the wedding. 545 00:39:02,173 --> 00:39:05,540 - She called it off? Why? - Because she found someone new, asshole. 546 00:39:05,609 --> 00:39:08,430 - Who's better than Jeremy? Come on. - I don't know. 547 00:39:08,112 --> 00:39:11,309 Somebody with a better future, more money, better looks. 548 00:39:11,382 --> 00:39:13,316 - Bigger dick. - Ooh. 549 00:39:13,384 --> 00:39:15,909 Hey, come on! 550 00:39:15,986 --> 00:39:18,580 I got a big dick. 551 00:39:18,656 --> 00:39:21,124 - Uh-huh. - So why'd she do it then? 552 00:39:21,192 --> 00:39:24,923 I don't know. She said she just wasn't happy. 553 00:39:24,995 --> 00:39:26,963 [Together] Small dick. 554 00:39:27,310 --> 00:39:29,966 Hey, will you guys shut up, please? Can we drop it? 555 00:39:30,340 --> 00:39:34,130 All right, look. We're sorry. Who cares why she did it? Let's just be happy she did. 556 00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:37,299 - Yeah. - You, uh, need another beer, little man? 557 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:39,309 [Chuckles] 558 00:39:42,460 --> 00:39:44,514 Are you sure? 559 00:39:44,582 --> 00:39:46,948 Marty, please, of course I'm sure. 560 00:39:47,170 --> 00:39:49,815 Who have I been spilling my guts to all week long anyway? 561 00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:55,416 Me, but I was sure that when I got you home, you'd tell me all about your new man with the big prick. 562 00:39:55,493 --> 00:39:59,429 Sorry to disappoint you, but this certainly isn't about anybody with a big prick. 563 00:39:59,497 --> 00:40:04,250 That tells us a little bit about Jeremy, and that alone is grounds for calling off the wedding. 564 00:40:04,101 --> 00:40:06,365 Oh, God, I wish it was that easy. 565 00:40:06,437 --> 00:40:08,371 Then at least people would understand. 566 00:40:08,439 --> 00:40:11,169 Kerri, people do understand. They're just in shock. 567 00:40:11,242 --> 00:40:13,938 Even I was a little surprised when you called off the wedding. 568 00:40:14,110 --> 00:40:17,538 When you first told me about it, I just thought you had cold feet. 569 00:40:17,615 --> 00:40:20,140 Yeah, I thought so too. 570 00:40:20,217 --> 00:40:23,150 That's why it went on for so long. 571 00:40:23,870 --> 00:40:25,351 [Knocking] 572 00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:28,187 Come in. 573 00:40:28,259 --> 00:40:30,193 [Boy] Hey, Marty. 574 00:40:30,261 --> 00:40:33,250 Mom wants to know if you can eat over. 575 00:40:33,970 --> 00:40:36,828 Oh, thanks, stud, but I don't think so. I haven't been feeling so good lately. 576 00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:42,129 Shut up. Tell Mom she will. 577 00:40:42,206 --> 00:40:43,867 Cliff. 578 00:40:43,941 --> 00:40:47,206 Make sure I'm sitting next to you. 579 00:40:47,278 --> 00:40:49,371 Absolutely. 580 00:40:49,447 --> 00:40:51,176 [Door Closes] 581 00:40:53,150 --> 00:40:56,984 What do you think would happen if I just grabbed his little pecker underneath the table? 582 00:40:57,540 --> 00:40:59,147 He would probably combust. 583 00:40:59,223 --> 00:41:01,521 Yeah. 584 00:41:01,592 --> 00:41:04,561 So, anyway, I just... 585 00:41:04,628 --> 00:41:07,222 don't see anything wrong with not wanting to marry a guy... 586 00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:09,892 who's not in love with me anymore. 587 00:41:11,335 --> 00:41:16,680 I want somebody who after 50 years still looks at me like he's lucky to have me. 588 00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:24,205 God, Marty, I thought you out of all people in the world would understand that. 589 00:41:24,281 --> 00:41:26,909 But it sounds like you think I made a mistake too. 590 00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:29,748 I don't think you made a mistake. I'm just saying that sometimes... 591 00:41:29,820 --> 00:41:32,118 it might be nice to have someone who... 592 00:41:32,189 --> 00:41:34,350 Marty, you don't even understand. 593 00:41:34,425 --> 00:41:37,292 You've never been in a relationship for more than a month. 594 00:41:37,361 --> 00:41:39,420 You don't know what it's like... 595 00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:43,580 to date a guy who treats you more like a sister than a lover. 596 00:41:43,133 --> 00:41:47,695 You break off every relationship before it even gets to that. 597 00:41:47,771 --> 00:41:50,103 Marty, no. 598 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:56,606 L-I really... I don't think anything's wrong with that. 599 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,116 I actually think all women should break up with guys after two months... 600 00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:04,416 to avoid having to feel the way I did with Jeremy. 601 00:42:04,488 --> 00:42:07,820 When things started cooling down, I felt like it was my fault... 602 00:42:07,157 --> 00:42:10,354 like I wasn't attractive enough, like I wasn't good enough. 603 00:42:10,427 --> 00:42:14,386 I know I'm not, but anyway, I really... I didn't mean it as a put-down. 604 00:42:14,465 --> 00:42:19,596 No, I know you didn't. Listen, if I thought you were putting me down, I'd kick your ass. 605 00:42:19,670 --> 00:42:21,661 So what's wrong? 606 00:42:23,574 --> 00:42:26,800 I'm pregnant. 607 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:28,670 Are you sure? 608 00:42:29,413 --> 00:42:32,439 - Do you know whose it is? - Of course I know whose it is. 609 00:42:32,516 --> 00:42:37,780 Just because I've been out with a lot of guys doesn't mean I've slept with them all. 610 00:42:37,154 --> 00:42:39,622 Can I ask? 611 00:42:39,690 --> 00:42:42,181 You don't know him. He's just some guy. 612 00:42:43,427 --> 00:42:47,488 - Did you tell him? - No. I don't even know what I'm gonna do yet. 613 00:42:47,565 --> 00:42:51,331 Oh, God, Marty. I'm so sorry. Here I am going on and on about myself... 614 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:55,338 No, it's fine, really. I mean, it helped me get my mind off of it. 615 00:42:55,406 --> 00:42:58,000 It actually helped. 616 00:42:58,750 --> 00:43:01,440 Well, I still feel like a jerk. 617 00:43:01,111 --> 00:43:03,450 So what are you gonna do? 618 00:43:03,113 --> 00:43:05,240 What can I do? 619 00:43:05,316 --> 00:43:09,252 Well, I mean, is the guy willing to help at least financially? 620 00:43:09,320 --> 00:43:12,500 Yeah, I guess so. 621 00:43:12,122 --> 00:43:14,317 He owns his own business. 622 00:43:14,391 --> 00:43:18,760 You know what? I can't... I can't really talk about this right now. 623 00:43:18,829 --> 00:43:22,731 It's just... It was good to tell someone. Thanks. 624 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,428 [Cliff] Kerri, dinner.! 625 00:43:25,502 --> 00:43:29,529 You know what? You really don't have to stay for dinner. I completely understand. 626 00:43:29,607 --> 00:43:33,703 Any chance your mom's got some Mountain Dew ice cubes in the freezer? 627 00:43:33,777 --> 00:43:36,940 - I'm cravin' 'em. - I'll check. 628 00:43:37,140 --> 00:43:40,400 Okay. Oh, hey. 629 00:43:40,117 --> 00:43:43,553 What's the deal with the skivvies under the mattress? 630 00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:48,524 You know when you go camping and you put your food up in a tree to keep it away from the bears? 631 00:43:48,592 --> 00:43:51,584 - Mm-hmm. - Well, when you have a 13-year-old brother... 632 00:43:51,662 --> 00:43:54,256 you take the same precautions with your underwear. 633 00:43:54,331 --> 00:43:57,664 - Ew, fuck. - Yeah. 634 00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:02,363 [Biscuit] All right. What's it gonna be? 635 00:44:02,439 --> 00:44:06,500 - Him or me? - Jer, look, you gotta do this. 636 00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:09,410 If he goes over there, we are gonna get kicked out of here. 637 00:44:09,480 --> 00:44:12,244 We may even wind up in a fight. Do you see her friend? 638 00:44:12,316 --> 00:44:16,514 She looks a little scrappy. I think she can take us. 639 00:44:16,587 --> 00:44:18,680 I don't wanna do this. I really don't. 640 00:44:18,756 --> 00:44:20,986 I told you, I'm not ready for it. 641 00:44:21,580 --> 00:44:23,322 - Okay, the choice is made. - No, no, no. 642 00:44:23,394 --> 00:44:25,521 - I'm going in. - Wait. Jer, come on. 643 00:44:25,596 --> 00:44:28,997 I've seen this a million times. If he goes, it ain't gonna be pretty. 644 00:44:29,660 --> 00:44:32,194 Look, if you go, it may go fine, it may go bad. 645 00:44:32,269 --> 00:44:34,294 But at least we'll get to stay here. 646 00:44:34,371 --> 00:44:38,102 If he goes, we're gonna get kicked out of here. Maybe even 86'd for good. 647 00:44:38,175 --> 00:44:42,669 Is that what you want? Imagine never stepping foot in the Bootlegger again. 648 00:44:42,746 --> 00:44:45,738 Come on, man. You gotta do this for all of us. 649 00:44:45,816 --> 00:44:48,114 Look at her, man. She's cute as hell. 650 00:44:48,185 --> 00:44:50,119 Why don't you go then, Gil? 651 00:44:50,187 --> 00:44:53,486 Because if I go over there, I'm gonna leave with that broad. 652 00:44:53,557 --> 00:44:56,253 In which case, you'd be stuck here alone with Biscuit. 653 00:44:57,628 --> 00:45:00,927 Look, look! Her friend is going to the ladies' room. Now's the time. 654 00:45:00,998 --> 00:45:03,432 - Come on. Do this, will ya? - Hey. Hey. 655 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:06,196 Put in a good word for me with her friend. 656 00:45:06,270 --> 00:45:09,603 Biscuit, that chick could eat you. 657 00:45:09,673 --> 00:45:12,335 - If I play my cards right. - [Chuckles] 658 00:45:20,884 --> 00:45:22,909 Can I buy you a drink? 659 00:45:22,986 --> 00:45:26,120 Uh, I don't think so. 660 00:45:26,900 --> 00:45:29,617 Just thought I'd ask. That's a... That's a nice tattoo. 661 00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:33,857 I've got one too. I've got a "W" tattooed on each of my ass cheeks. 662 00:45:33,931 --> 00:45:36,365 When I bend over, it says "Wow." 663 00:45:39,136 --> 00:45:41,331 I'm Jeremy. 664 00:45:41,405 --> 00:45:44,670 - I'm Lea. - Hi, Lea. 665 00:45:44,141 --> 00:45:47,941 - Can I be honest with you for a second? - Sure. 666 00:45:48,110 --> 00:45:50,536 - Would you like a drink? - Oh, l... I really can't. 667 00:45:50,614 --> 00:45:52,548 - I'm sorry. Sorry. - Thanks. 668 00:45:52,616 --> 00:45:55,380 I really didn't wanna come over here... 669 00:45:55,452 --> 00:45:59,946 but, uh, if I didn't, one of my friends over there was going to. 670 00:46:00,230 --> 00:46:03,891 - And, well, I can tell by looking at you, you seem like a nice person. - [Bottles Clanking] 671 00:46:03,961 --> 00:46:06,657 So, I wanted to save you from them. 672 00:46:06,730 --> 00:46:10,496 Oh. Thanks, I think. 673 00:46:10,567 --> 00:46:13,580 It's not that I'm not attracted to you, 'cause I am. 674 00:46:13,137 --> 00:46:15,162 It's just that I'm engaged. 675 00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:17,639 Oh, you're engaged? 676 00:46:17,708 --> 00:46:23,169 Well, not right now, but, uh, I was. We broke up. 677 00:46:23,247 --> 00:46:28,116 Uh-huh. So what you're trying to tell me is you're trying to get over somebody. 678 00:46:28,185 --> 00:46:31,985 Uh, no. L... My friends... 679 00:46:32,550 --> 00:46:34,956 over there want me to get over someone. 680 00:46:35,250 --> 00:46:39,223 But I'm not sure I'm ready to get over her. 681 00:46:39,296 --> 00:46:42,823 - Who broke the engagement? - Uh, she did. 682 00:46:42,900 --> 00:46:44,891 Why? 683 00:46:46,360 --> 00:46:49,699 - I don't know. - Oh, you don't wanna talk about it. 684 00:46:49,773 --> 00:46:54,972 Uh, no. I mean, I don't know why she broke off the engagement. 685 00:46:56,346 --> 00:46:58,780 Well, did she just walk out on you? 686 00:46:58,849 --> 00:47:02,512 Uh, well, no. I actually moved out. 687 00:47:05,856 --> 00:47:09,883 You moved out after she called off the engagement? 688 00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,224 But you still don't know why she called it off? 689 00:47:14,665 --> 00:47:18,660 Did you love this girl? 690 00:47:18,135 --> 00:47:20,103 Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did. I still do. 691 00:47:20,170 --> 00:47:24,368 Then how do you not know what happened? Aren't you a little curious? 692 00:47:24,441 --> 00:47:28,360 I really didn't wanna get into this with you. I just wanted to buy you a drink. 693 00:47:28,111 --> 00:47:32,980 How's a man just walk away from the woman he loves and just shrug it off? 694 00:47:33,500 --> 00:47:36,611 I'm not. There's a lot more to it that I don't care to get into right now. 695 00:47:36,687 --> 00:47:40,418 I don't understand. I mean, you say that you love this woman. 696 00:47:40,490 --> 00:47:45,450 And you must because you asked her to marry you, but then when things get a little strained, you just walk away? 697 00:47:45,529 --> 00:47:48,293 - What the fuck is that? - You... 698 00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:53,980 Wait. Maybe I just got cold feet, all right? Maybe I wasn't sure I was ready to get married yet. 699 00:47:53,170 --> 00:47:58,836 - But apparently she wasn't either because she was the one that called it off. - Oh, well, how convenient for you. 700 00:47:58,909 --> 00:48:03,972 She was probably just scared or nervous and needed a little bit of reassurance from you. 701 00:48:04,470 --> 00:48:07,778 I bet she would have loved to have known you were having doubts and were nervous too... 702 00:48:07,851 --> 00:48:11,287 so that you guys could overcome them together, or at least try. 703 00:48:11,355 --> 00:48:14,188 But... You did not love this girl. 704 00:48:14,258 --> 00:48:17,318 Now, wait a minute. L-I did... Yes, I did love... I still do. 705 00:48:17,394 --> 00:48:21,228 What is with you? I should have sent Biscuit over here. You're right up his alley. 706 00:48:21,298 --> 00:48:26,235 I just wanted to buy you a drink, and then tell my friends you were married so they wouldn't bother you. 707 00:48:26,303 --> 00:48:31,360 I was helping you out, believe it or not. So, just... You know what? Good night. 708 00:48:31,108 --> 00:48:34,900 Can I still have that drink? 709 00:48:34,770 --> 00:48:36,671 That-That was the original plan, right? 710 00:48:36,747 --> 00:48:38,738 Uh... 711 00:48:40,717 --> 00:48:45,177 Yeah, yeah, I guess. I could use one anyway. Tim. 712 00:48:47,457 --> 00:48:51,518 - What'll it be? - Alabama slammer and a shot of tequila. 713 00:48:53,697 --> 00:48:55,631 Uh, yeah, two of those. 714 00:48:56,767 --> 00:48:59,895 You are full of surprises. I never would have guessed that would be your order. 715 00:48:59,970 --> 00:49:02,268 - Oh. - Anything you wanna talk about? 716 00:49:02,339 --> 00:49:06,360 No, I just... I like to have fun, that's all. This seems to help. 717 00:49:07,644 --> 00:49:11,136 Well, here is to fun. 718 00:49:12,582 --> 00:49:15,449 [Woman] No.! 719 00:49:15,519 --> 00:49:19,512 - You asshole! - What the fuck did you do that for? 720 00:49:19,589 --> 00:49:22,558 She's an alcoholic, asshole! We were only in here testing her will. 721 00:49:22,626 --> 00:49:26,323 - How would I know that? - Why else would we be in this hellhole? 722 00:49:26,396 --> 00:49:30,423 - Oh, come on, Lea. Let's go. - No! I wanna stay here and drink with my friends! 723 00:49:30,500 --> 00:49:32,661 - Lea, come on! - No, I wanna stay! 724 00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:34,863 - Come on! - I wanna stay! 725 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:41,370 Fuck! I guess we're not gonna hook up tonight, huh? 726 00:49:41,445 --> 00:49:45,745 I hope Kerri's better at the single life than he is. 727 00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:50,830 I think you chipped a tooth. 728 00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:51,347 % % [Disco] 729 00:49:52,155 --> 00:49:54,146 - Hey. - How you doing? 730 00:49:54,224 --> 00:49:56,249 Good. How are you? 731 00:49:56,326 --> 00:49:58,385 Marty, please, can we go home? 732 00:49:58,462 --> 00:50:02,125 You said you wanted to get a couple of drinks. Come on. 733 00:50:02,199 --> 00:50:04,224 Can we just get them somewhere else? 734 00:50:04,301 --> 00:50:07,236 You also said you wanted to go somewhere where we wouldn't see Jeremy. 735 00:50:07,304 --> 00:50:10,137 And I can guarantee you, we won't see Jeremy here. 736 00:50:10,207 --> 00:50:12,141 Although knowing his friends, you never know. 737 00:50:14,845 --> 00:50:17,837 What are you looking at? She's with me! 738 00:50:19,516 --> 00:50:21,780 - Oh, my God. - Come on. Relax. 739 00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:25,379 I really think you're gonna like it here. You can just kick back and be yourself... 740 00:50:25,455 --> 00:50:28,447 and have a couple of drinks and not feel like a piece of meat. 741 00:50:28,525 --> 00:50:31,255 I mean, for the most part, people are really respectful... 742 00:50:31,328 --> 00:50:34,491 when they see that you're with someone! 743 00:50:34,564 --> 00:50:36,498 Do you come here a lot? 744 00:50:36,566 --> 00:50:39,501 Well, not a lot, but I've been here a couple of times, yeah. 745 00:50:39,569 --> 00:50:42,370 Is this where you met the father? 746 00:50:42,105 --> 00:50:45,600 Who do you think I am, Madonna? [Chuckles] 747 00:50:45,750 --> 00:50:49,603 No, I don't think any of the men here would be interested in making babies with me. 748 00:50:49,679 --> 00:50:55,150 I just figured given our two situations, this would be a pretty cool place to hang out. 749 00:50:55,850 --> 00:50:59,112 Besides, you know what? Being a lesbian is considered very chic nowadays. 750 00:50:59,189 --> 00:51:02,522 When word gets out you were here, you're gonna be beating men off with a hammer. 751 00:51:02,592 --> 00:51:05,857 Word gets out? I don't want anybody to know. 752 00:51:05,929 --> 00:51:10,389 What if Jeremy finds out? He's gonna think that I left him because I'm a lesbian. 753 00:51:10,467 --> 00:51:12,799 Don't worry. I mean, no offense, Ker... 754 00:51:12,869 --> 00:51:16,305 but Jeremy doesn't exactly hang out with people high on the social ladder. 755 00:51:16,373 --> 00:51:20,200 Do you think Muffin knows anything about girls at all? 756 00:51:20,770 --> 00:51:22,807 I guess you have a point. I just don't want Jeremy thinking... 757 00:51:22,879 --> 00:51:25,677 he somehow turned me off to men, you know. 758 00:51:25,749 --> 00:51:29,116 Like, "If she can't have me, she might as well go lesbian," you know. 759 00:51:29,186 --> 00:51:33,782 Okay, stop. You are not a lesbian! 760 00:51:33,857 --> 00:51:36,985 We are just out for a couple of drinks and some pleasant conversation. 761 00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:39,510 That's all, okay? 762 00:51:40,464 --> 00:51:42,398 - Okay. - Okay. 763 00:51:42,466 --> 00:51:45,663 This kid is doing the jig on my bladder. I gotta go pee. 764 00:51:45,735 --> 00:51:50,104 Go up to the bar and get us drinks. I'll have a Shirley Temple with a cherry. 765 00:51:53,543 --> 00:51:56,137 I think I'm gonna come with you to the ladies room. 766 00:51:56,213 --> 00:51:59,444 Gee, you're really getting into the swing of this place, aren't you? 767 00:51:59,516 --> 00:52:02,760 Okay, don't touch anything. 768 00:52:06,890 --> 00:52:09,320 So, you think they'll get back together? 769 00:52:11,228 --> 00:52:13,321 [Sighs] I don't know, man. 770 00:52:13,396 --> 00:52:18,766 I mean, part of me wants 'em to, but... part of me doesn't. 771 00:52:18,835 --> 00:52:21,429 What do you mean? 772 00:52:21,505 --> 00:52:23,496 Well... 773 00:52:26,309 --> 00:52:30,245 Listen. I know she's out of my league. It's just... 774 00:52:31,982 --> 00:52:33,973 she's my dream girl. 775 00:52:36,586 --> 00:52:40,181 I like knowing that she's available. 776 00:52:40,257 --> 00:52:43,522 I don't know. Maybe someday we'll... 777 00:52:43,593 --> 00:52:46,585 bump into each other and there'll be a spark... 778 00:52:46,663 --> 00:52:49,928 and I'll get to have her. 779 00:52:52,435 --> 00:52:55,165 On the other hand, if they did get back together... 780 00:52:55,238 --> 00:52:58,537 they might whip out the old video camera and start taping some kinky sex. 781 00:52:58,608 --> 00:53:02,669 And then I'd be able to enjoy her at least through that again. 782 00:53:02,746 --> 00:53:05,237 What are you talkin' about? 783 00:53:07,384 --> 00:53:10,285 Pamela and Tommy Lee. What are you talkin' about? 784 00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:13,481 Kerri and Jeremy, ass head! 785 00:53:13,557 --> 00:53:16,820 Oh, them. I don't know. Jesus. 786 00:53:16,159 --> 00:53:18,930 He can't even figure out why they broke up. 787 00:53:18,161 --> 00:53:21,858 [Scoffs] Well, that's obvious. She cheated on him. 788 00:53:21,932 --> 00:53:24,230 She did? How do you know that, Gil? 789 00:53:24,301 --> 00:53:27,498 Well, think about it. These two have been together since high school. 790 00:53:27,571 --> 00:53:30,301 They went away to college together. They were living together. 791 00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:33,171 They were probably taking shits with the bathroom door open. 792 00:53:33,243 --> 00:53:35,643 - [Chuckles] - That's already married in my book. 793 00:53:35,712 --> 00:53:40,547 You expect me to believe she just flipped out one day and called it quits without so much as an explanation? 794 00:53:40,617 --> 00:53:44,178 I think not. When you catch somebody cheating on somebody... 795 00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:47,917 it's the only time an explanation is just not necessary. 796 00:53:47,991 --> 00:53:51,552 - Jesus, you're right. - Mm-hmm. 797 00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:54,222 I'll bet it was a magician. 798 00:53:55,432 --> 00:53:58,765 - Why a magician? - 'Cause that's all they have in Vegas. 799 00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:02,271 Magicians, pit bosses and those guys that pass out the dirty fliers. 800 00:54:02,339 --> 00:54:07,675 Now, Jeremy's probably better than the flier guys and... 801 00:54:07,744 --> 00:54:12,306 Nah, I don't see her with a pit boss. So it had to have been a magician. 802 00:54:12,382 --> 00:54:16,450 Hmm. And that's why he doesn't wanna talk about it with us... 803 00:54:16,119 --> 00:54:18,246 because he's embarrassed. 804 00:54:18,321 --> 00:54:22,121 Jesus Christ.! No, the reason I don't wanna talk about it with you guys... 805 00:54:22,192 --> 00:54:25,457 is because I don't wanna hear any of your screwy theories. 806 00:54:25,528 --> 00:54:31,125 - What screwy theories? - How about the one where Kerri's screwing Siegfried and Roy? 807 00:54:31,201 --> 00:54:33,897 No, man, I don't think it was them. They might be gay. 808 00:54:33,970 --> 00:54:37,497 - [Chuckles] - I love the way you guys talk about me like I'm not even here. 809 00:54:37,574 --> 00:54:42,680 - Feel free to take part in the conversation. - I don't wanna take part in it. 810 00:54:42,145 --> 00:54:45,546 - Then what are you complaining about? - I just wanna have a good time. 811 00:54:45,615 --> 00:54:48,550 Is this your idea of fun? Sitting around theorizing about Kerri and I? 812 00:54:48,618 --> 00:54:52,987 [Chuckles] No, man. He's right. Let's do it, dude. 813 00:54:54,424 --> 00:54:56,892 Okay. I suppose it's late enough. 814 00:54:56,960 --> 00:54:59,870 - Did you bring your hat and gloves? - Yes. 815 00:54:59,162 --> 00:55:02,359 - Well, put 'em on. - Right. 816 00:55:10,674 --> 00:55:13,165 What the fuck is that? 817 00:55:13,243 --> 00:55:16,838 - What? - Mittens? What, you think we're gonna make a snowman? 818 00:55:16,913 --> 00:55:19,814 I have no idea. You told me to get gloves and a hat. 819 00:55:19,883 --> 00:55:23,751 I didn't know you wanted an O.J. Disguise. What, are we gonna whack somebody? 820 00:55:23,820 --> 00:55:27,510 No, we're just gonna do a little B and E, that's all. 821 00:55:27,123 --> 00:55:29,887 What? What are you guys robbing people's houses for? 822 00:55:29,959 --> 00:55:31,859 A little extra "K." 823 00:55:31,928 --> 00:55:36,661 We're not robbing people's houses. We're just gonna go in and rearrange things a little. 824 00:55:36,733 --> 00:55:40,660 - Rearrange things? Why? - Because it's funny. 825 00:55:40,136 --> 00:55:42,900 Imagine you wake up and your living room is in your dining room. 826 00:55:42,972 --> 00:55:48,706 Or every single light bulb in your house is unscrewed and lying on the floor for no reason. 827 00:55:48,778 --> 00:55:51,872 - That's fuckin' funny. - And you don't take anything? 828 00:55:51,948 --> 00:55:54,700 Not a thing. 829 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,453 So, what about the... ex... extra "K"? 830 00:55:58,521 --> 00:56:02,252 That's just a little bonus. You remember Chris Newman? 831 00:56:02,325 --> 00:56:05,886 - Yeah. - Well, he took over his dad's business. 832 00:56:05,962 --> 00:56:10,228 - Right. - Newman Home Security. 833 00:56:10,300 --> 00:56:12,495 Oh. Yeah. Still don't get it. 834 00:56:12,569 --> 00:56:15,629 [Sighs] We live in the burbs. 835 00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:18,710 Not the best place for a home security business. 836 00:56:18,141 --> 00:56:20,974 When Chris took over his dad's company, it was headed down the tubes. 837 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:24,207 So he asked Biscuit and I to scare up a little business for him. 838 00:56:24,280 --> 00:56:28,216 We may be a lot of things, but we are not thieves. So we thought of this little plan. 839 00:56:28,284 --> 00:56:30,912 We get a few kicks, we help Chris out a little bit... 840 00:56:30,987 --> 00:56:34,684 and it's kind of thrilling being in people's houses. 841 00:56:34,758 --> 00:56:38,125 - What if you get caught? - Oh, no, man, you can't get caught. 842 00:56:38,194 --> 00:56:41,857 - Sure you can. - No, you can't get caught. 843 00:56:41,931 --> 00:56:46,129 - Don't get caught. - Oh. 844 00:56:46,202 --> 00:56:48,693 So, are you in? 845 00:56:49,739 --> 00:56:53,400 Am I in? Sure. 846 00:56:53,760 --> 00:56:56,637 I've been making some pretty stellar decisions lately. I'm sure this will be another one. 847 00:56:56,713 --> 00:56:58,704 Cool. Let's go. 848 00:57:01,718 --> 00:57:03,549 % % [Disco] 849 00:57:03,620 --> 00:57:06,612 [Women Laughing] 850 00:57:08,525 --> 00:57:11,517 [Man] Does he have both testicles? 851 00:57:13,897 --> 00:57:17,333 - Well, that is until Marty saw him. - [Man] Oh. 852 00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:21,598 Is his penis super glued to his stomach so when he has to piss, he has to stand on his head? 853 00:57:21,671 --> 00:57:24,105 [All Laughing] 854 00:57:24,174 --> 00:57:26,500 No. 855 00:57:26,750 --> 00:57:30,102 Then you shouldn't be upset. Sounds to me like you had a pretty reasonable breakup. 856 00:57:30,180 --> 00:57:32,705 It's not the breakup that I'm so upset about. 857 00:57:32,782 --> 00:57:36,343 I don't know if it was the right thing to do. You know? 858 00:57:36,419 --> 00:57:40,617 I mean, I felt I had to do it at the time, but now, I just... I don't know. 859 00:57:40,690 --> 00:57:44,524 Well, look. I mean, you obviously had planned on marrying this guy. 860 00:57:44,594 --> 00:57:46,653 Everything was done and ready. 861 00:57:46,729 --> 00:57:50,495 But in your heart, something inside told you not to. 862 00:57:50,567 --> 00:57:52,558 To stop, right? 863 00:57:53,570 --> 00:57:55,538 Yeah, well, l... I don't know. 864 00:57:55,605 --> 00:57:59,701 It's weird because Jeremy, all in all, is a pretty good guy. 865 00:57:59,776 --> 00:58:02,404 You know, he's... 866 00:58:02,479 --> 00:58:04,970 He's not mean. People like him. 867 00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:07,846 And he didn't cheat on me. 868 00:58:07,917 --> 00:58:12,130 He never brought you flowers. He never did anything romantic for you. 869 00:58:12,880 --> 00:58:16,252 And he always put everything else before you. 870 00:58:16,326 --> 00:58:18,954 I'm right, aren't I? 871 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:22,759 Hey, look. I know exactly what you're going through. 872 00:58:24,601 --> 00:58:30,620 Well, I didn't always live my life as a gay woman. 873 00:58:30,139 --> 00:58:34,200 Before I met Shelly here, I was married. 874 00:58:34,277 --> 00:58:36,905 I was married for 12 years to this man... 875 00:58:36,980 --> 00:58:41,212 who much like Jeremy, was a pretty good guy. 876 00:58:42,519 --> 00:58:47,582 But then about the third year of our marriage, everything changed. 877 00:58:47,657 --> 00:58:51,559 - Uh-huh. - Well, we were still in love... 878 00:58:51,628 --> 00:58:54,358 but it just wasn't the same. 879 00:58:54,430 --> 00:58:58,594 He slipped into like this comfortable place, you know... 880 00:58:58,668 --> 00:59:02,866 where he didn't think that he needed to woo me anymore. 881 00:59:02,939 --> 00:59:05,601 And sex, as infrequent as it was... 882 00:59:05,675 --> 00:59:08,439 was boring and predictable. 883 00:59:10,179 --> 00:59:13,671 I swear, I think guys have some sort of built-in timer. 884 00:59:13,750 --> 00:59:15,581 Uh-huh. 885 00:59:15,652 --> 00:59:18,348 Apparently, everyone thinks this... 886 00:59:18,421 --> 00:59:21,117 because I asked all my married friends at the time... 887 00:59:21,190 --> 00:59:23,181 you know, "Was this normal?" 888 00:59:23,259 --> 00:59:26,160 And they said, "Yeah, it was." 889 00:59:27,764 --> 00:59:31,860 Yeah. That's why my marriage lasted 12 years. 890 00:59:31,935 --> 00:59:35,200 So, what? I either have to accept this fact about men... 891 00:59:35,271 --> 00:59:37,205 or become a lesbian? 892 00:59:37,273 --> 00:59:40,436 [All Laughing] 893 00:59:40,510 --> 00:59:42,501 No. No. 894 00:59:42,579 --> 00:59:44,877 You just need to find someone... 895 00:59:44,948 --> 00:59:48,800 who will love you the way you wanna be loved. 896 00:59:48,840 --> 00:59:52,646 You know, in my case, it's just that person happened to be a woman. 897 00:59:52,722 --> 00:59:56,453 And for you, it could be anybody. 898 00:59:56,526 --> 00:59:59,620 It could be a friend. It could be somebody you work with. 899 00:59:59,696 --> 01:00:01,664 It might even be Marty. 900 01:00:01,731 --> 01:00:05,360 [Laughs] Sorry, Kerri. I like my women with bigger tits. 901 01:00:09,472 --> 01:00:13,340 Oh, who knows? It could even be Jeremy. 902 01:00:13,409 --> 01:00:15,570 He may just need a wake-up call. 903 01:00:17,213 --> 01:00:20,182 - God, it is way too serious at this table. - Mmm. 904 01:00:20,249 --> 01:00:23,548 Honey, you're coming with me. Dance, lesbians, dance. 905 01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:26,316 Oh, yeah. Come on. K.C., take your purse. 906 01:00:26,389 --> 01:00:28,687 - It'll be fine. - Where do you think we are? 907 01:00:28,758 --> 01:00:33,195 I thought your husband was a lying, cheating scumbag with a gambling problem. 908 01:00:33,262 --> 01:00:36,600 Oh. Did I fail to mention that? 909 01:00:36,132 --> 01:00:38,828 [Both Laugh] 910 01:00:39,469 --> 01:00:40,902 [Snoring] 911 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,631 [Snapping, Thudding] 912 01:00:45,708 --> 01:00:47,699 [Snorting] 913 01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:56,308 [Snoring Resumes] 914 01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,857 What are you trying to do, get us thrown in jail? 915 01:01:12,935 --> 01:01:15,631 You try lifting a couch with mittens on. It ain't easy. 916 01:01:15,705 --> 01:01:21,575 - That's why we don't wear mittens, shit stain. How the fuck did that dude sleep through that? - I have no idea. I'm just glad he did. 917 01:01:21,644 --> 01:01:25,450 - Maybe he didn't, dude. Let's get the fuck outta here! - So what'd you think, Jer? 918 01:01:25,114 --> 01:01:28,277 Ah, except for pissing myself when I dropped that couch, it was pretty fun. 919 01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:32,117 It's kind of cool being in someone's house, knowing you can busted at any minute. 920 01:01:32,188 --> 01:01:35,419 Yeah, I think Newman Home Security has a new customer. 921 01:01:35,491 --> 01:01:40,224 - I would love to see his face when he sees that. - This is what my life should be. 922 01:01:40,296 --> 01:01:45,495 If I wanna go out, do something stupid and illegal with you two shit stains, I should be able to do it, right? 923 01:01:45,568 --> 01:01:47,399 - Hell yeah! - Yeah. 924 01:01:47,470 --> 01:01:50,837 What are you agreeing with? He just called you "shit stain," shit stain. 925 01:01:51,841 --> 01:01:53,866 Dude, that ain't cool. 926 01:01:56,746 --> 01:02:01,479 [Laughing] Come on. Let's make mac and cheese or cookies. That'll be... 927 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:04,816 - Hey, Marty. - Hey, jam hands. 928 01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:07,720 - Jam hands? - What do you think he's been doing in there all night? 929 01:02:07,790 --> 01:02:10,540 - Oh! - Shut up, Kerri! I have not! 930 01:02:10,126 --> 01:02:13,289 Yeah, right. You walk into your room and stick to the floor. 931 01:02:13,362 --> 01:02:15,626 Shut up, Kerri! 932 01:02:16,766 --> 01:02:19,166 [Both Laugh] 933 01:02:20,670 --> 01:02:24,710 I told you we were gonna have fun tonight. 934 01:02:24,140 --> 01:02:27,871 Yeah. Who would've thought that all I needed was a pep talk from a lesbian? 935 01:02:27,944 --> 01:02:30,504 Yeah, that and five or six magaritas. 936 01:02:30,580 --> 01:02:32,946 - Why? You think that helps? - Yeah. 937 01:02:33,950 --> 01:02:38,148 Oh, Marty, I wish... I wish that you were drinking with me. 938 01:02:38,221 --> 01:02:41,384 It looks like I'm gonna be on the wagon for a few more months. 939 01:02:41,457 --> 01:02:44,449 - I'm sorry. I didn't mean... - Nah. 940 01:02:45,461 --> 01:02:50,570 - Are you gonna tell your mom? - Why? So I can hear her tell me how I screwed up my life... 941 01:02:50,133 --> 01:02:52,431 over and over again like she always knew I would? 942 01:02:52,502 --> 01:02:55,471 No, thanks. Actually, I don't think I'm gonna tell her anything. 943 01:02:55,538 --> 01:02:58,473 Just let her think I'm gettin' fat. That would torture her even more. 944 01:02:58,541 --> 01:03:01,476 Hey. I have an idea. 945 01:03:01,544 --> 01:03:06,709 You move to Vegas, and you and I raise the kid together. 946 01:03:08,500 --> 01:03:12,885 - All right, no more gay clubs for you. - No, I'm totally serious. You and I could do it. 947 01:03:12,955 --> 01:03:16,982 Okay. So, the girl who calls her little brother "jam hands" wants to raise my kid? 948 01:03:17,590 --> 01:03:19,186 No, I don't think so. [Laughs] 949 01:03:19,262 --> 01:03:23,280 Besides, can you see me pregnant in the Vegas heat? I'd fuckin' kill somebody. 950 01:03:23,990 --> 01:03:26,125 You know, that's really just a matter of time, not geography. 951 01:03:26,202 --> 01:03:28,329 You're probably right. 952 01:03:28,404 --> 01:03:31,805 - All right, I better get goin'. - Oh, come on. Spend the night. 953 01:03:31,874 --> 01:03:35,503 No, thanks. I'm a little particular about which toilet I spend the morning yakking in. 954 01:03:35,578 --> 01:03:39,173 Mine's got one of those cushiony seats. It's nice. You can rest your head between wrenches. 955 01:03:39,248 --> 01:03:42,740 Hmm. I might need one of those in the morning too. 956 01:03:42,819 --> 01:03:45,754 At least your misery'll end with a Denny's breakfast. 957 01:03:45,822 --> 01:03:48,985 Mine's gonna go on a little bit longer. 958 01:03:49,580 --> 01:03:51,583 Ooh, Denny's. 959 01:03:51,661 --> 01:03:53,652 [Laughing] Good night. 960 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,925 [Video Game Beeping] 961 01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:01,163 - [Knocking] - Hey, Cliffie, could you come out here for a second? 962 01:04:01,237 --> 01:04:03,228 Sure, Marty. 963 01:04:04,807 --> 01:04:08,971 Can you do me a huge favor? Kerri and I were just giving each other breast exams. 964 01:04:09,450 --> 01:04:11,536 She thought she felt something on one of my boobs. 965 01:04:11,614 --> 01:04:13,946 Do you think you could feel it for me? 966 01:04:18,540 --> 01:04:20,784 So, what do you think? You think it's okay? 967 01:04:20,857 --> 01:04:23,382 Cliff? Cliffie? 968 01:04:25,161 --> 01:04:27,823 Cliffie? Cli... 969 01:04:29,532 --> 01:04:32,230 [Clicks Tongue] Okay, well, thanks anyway. 970 01:04:32,101 --> 01:04:34,920 Night. 971 01:04:36,500 --> 01:04:37,996 [Panting] 972 01:04:41,100 --> 01:04:44,207 - Well, thanks for a fun night, man. - Hey, no problem. 973 01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:46,680 Wait'll you see what we're doin' tomorrow [Chuckles] 974 01:04:46,749 --> 01:04:48,979 Can't wait. 975 01:04:49,510 --> 01:04:52,782 You know what? You guys probably don't even realize how good you got it. 976 01:04:52,855 --> 01:04:55,551 - What do you mean? - Just bein' single. 977 01:04:55,625 --> 01:04:59,220 You don't have to answer to anyone. You can come and go as you please. 978 01:04:59,295 --> 01:05:01,923 You can hang out with anyone you want to. That's cool. 979 01:05:01,998 --> 01:05:04,762 - Well... [Chuckles] - What? 980 01:05:04,834 --> 01:05:08,702 - % % [Man Singing On Radio, Indistinct] - Grass is always greener, my friend. 981 01:05:08,771 --> 01:05:11,797 - What's that supposed to mean? - Well, nothin', really. 982 01:05:11,874 --> 01:05:16,573 It's just that when you were with Kerri, you probably didn't realize how good you had it. 983 01:05:16,646 --> 01:05:20,582 I mean, bein' single and hangin' out with Biscuit every night is fun... 984 01:05:20,650 --> 01:05:24,484 but I would gladly trade that in to come home to somebody who's beautiful and cared about me. 985 01:05:24,553 --> 01:05:27,113 Not if you had to come home to that person every day. 986 01:05:27,189 --> 01:05:30,556 At least when you're single, you can date and go out with whoever you want to. 987 01:05:30,626 --> 01:05:33,322 And why do you date or go out with whoever you want to? 988 01:05:35,965 --> 01:05:38,900 - What do you mean? - If it's just to get laid every blue moon... 989 01:05:38,968 --> 01:05:41,334 then, yeah, bein' single is fun. 990 01:05:41,404 --> 01:05:44,805 Most people I know are only dating people 'cause they're trying to find the person... 991 01:05:44,874 --> 01:05:47,843 they want to spend the rest of their lives with. 992 01:05:47,910 --> 01:05:51,846 Jer, don't let yourself be fooled into thinking you're missing something... 993 01:05:51,914 --> 01:05:53,905 'cause you're with Kerri. 994 01:05:54,917 --> 01:05:58,580 'Cause the only thing you're missin' is wishin' you had someone like her. 995 01:06:01,390 --> 01:06:03,449 So what was all that stuff at the bar? 996 01:06:03,526 --> 01:06:07,519 "We have a stay of execution." "I wouldn't wish marriage on my worst enemy." 997 01:06:07,596 --> 01:06:10,724 Dude, we were in a bar, drinkin'. We have to say stuff like that. 998 01:06:10,800 --> 01:06:13,894 - That's not how we really feel. - You think I made a mistake. 999 01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:17,531 Well, if she was cheating on you, then... 1000 01:06:17,606 --> 01:06:21,420 Gil, would you stop with the Siegfried and Roy? She wasn't cheating on me. 1001 01:06:21,110 --> 01:06:23,874 Well, then I don't know why you two broke up... 1002 01:06:23,946 --> 01:06:26,540 so I can't say whether you made a mistake or not. 1003 01:06:26,615 --> 01:06:29,413 - % I just hate to see you go% - Only you would know that. 1004 01:06:29,485 --> 01:06:31,976 % Yeah, I wanna see you happy% 1005 01:06:32,540 --> 01:06:34,750 % Times change and people grow% 1006 01:06:34,824 --> 01:06:37,880 % You're a good friend to me and I love you% % 1007 01:06:37,159 --> 01:06:39,889 What, are you waitin' for me to feel you up? Get out. 1008 01:06:40,896 --> 01:06:43,865 - I'll call you tomorrow. - Later. 1009 01:06:48,838 --> 01:06:50,829 [Engine Starts] 1010 01:06:52,942 --> 01:06:54,933 [Car Departs] 1011 01:07:08,591 --> 01:07:10,582 [Sighs] 1012 01:08:03,779 --> 01:08:08,790 All right, this better be good, Andy. I'm missing Regis and the new chick. 1013 01:08:12,988 --> 01:08:15,149 Come on, Murray. You gotta see this. 1014 01:08:22,431 --> 01:08:25,457 - What the hell... - That's exactly what I said. 1015 01:08:26,469 --> 01:08:29,870 You brought me here at 9:30 in the morning to show me how you redecorated? 1016 01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,237 No, no! I didn't... Why would l... 1017 01:08:32,308 --> 01:08:35,641 I woke up this morning, and it was exactly this way. 1018 01:08:38,848 --> 01:08:41,840 Well, this is kind of cozy, but how the hell you gonna eat? 1019 01:08:41,917 --> 01:08:45,353 - Murray, I didn't put... - Is this some sort of feng shui thing? 1020 01:08:45,421 --> 01:08:48,356 [Stammering] If it works for you, you know, go for it. 1021 01:08:48,424 --> 01:08:51,860 Murray, please. Murray, I don't know what... 1022 01:08:52,940 --> 01:08:54,494 What the hell is feng shui? 1023 01:08:55,731 --> 01:08:59,167 Jeremy? Jeremy.! 1024 01:09:00,169 --> 01:09:02,831 - Jeremy! - Oy! 1025 01:09:04,140 --> 01:09:06,870 Grandpa, Grandma, what... what are you doing here? 1026 01:09:06,942 --> 01:09:11,140 We thought you'd be up by now. Your grandfather didn't sleep for a week before our wedding. 1027 01:09:11,213 --> 01:09:14,546 That's 'cause your father told me I'd better sleep with my eyes open. 1028 01:09:14,617 --> 01:09:17,484 - Said I was tarnishing his only daughter. - [Scoffs] 1029 01:09:17,553 --> 01:09:19,544 So, are you nervous? 1030 01:09:20,789 --> 01:09:22,780 Right now, yes. 1031 01:09:22,858 --> 01:09:26,259 Come on. Give him a chance to lose his morning wood, will ya? 1032 01:09:26,328 --> 01:09:29,422 [Clicks Tongue] Oh, marone.! Okay. 1033 01:09:29,498 --> 01:09:32,433 I could use a cup of coffee now that we're here anyway. 1034 01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:36,130 Your grandfather, all the way up here... He wouldn't let me have any coffee. 1035 01:09:36,205 --> 01:09:41,666 That's right. Without the coffee, we have to stop every 30 miles for her to use the little ladies' room. 1036 01:09:41,744 --> 01:09:44,235 Fifteen hundred miles from here to Florida. You do the math. 1037 01:09:44,313 --> 01:09:47,908 - Yeah, that's a lot of peeing. - Imagine if she had some coffee in her? 1038 01:09:47,983 --> 01:09:53,512 - We'd still be in North Carolina. - I am so excited for tomorrow. 1039 01:09:53,589 --> 01:09:56,570 Oh, my God. Nobody called you guys? 1040 01:09:56,125 --> 01:09:59,940 Nobody ever calls us. Why? 1041 01:09:59,161 --> 01:10:02,927 [High-pitched Voice] You couldn't have messed this up, right, Biscuit? [Chuckles] 1042 01:10:04,433 --> 01:10:06,458 [High-pitched Voice] Dude, give me some credit here. 1043 01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:09,629 I just get nervous when you do things on your own. 1044 01:10:09,705 --> 01:10:11,798 [Chuckles] 1045 01:10:11,874 --> 01:10:14,434 For the 10th time, everything's gonna be fine. 1046 01:10:14,510 --> 01:10:17,700 I just got off the phone with her. Gave her my address. 1047 01:10:17,146 --> 01:10:21,344 - She sounded hot as hell, man. - Cool. When's your mom leavin'? 1048 01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:23,647 Relax, dude. She's leavin'. 1049 01:10:24,653 --> 01:10:27,144 Guess we should make more balloons, huh? Heh! 1050 01:10:27,223 --> 01:10:29,555 Naw, that's enough. 1051 01:10:29,625 --> 01:10:33,584 Too many elaborate decorations will only serve to distract us from the entertainment. 1052 01:10:33,662 --> 01:10:35,823 [High-pitched Voice] I guess you're right. 1053 01:10:37,666 --> 01:10:39,657 [High-pitched Voice] Course I'm right. 1054 01:10:44,707 --> 01:10:47,500 - How was your flight? - [Horn Honking] 1055 01:10:47,760 --> 01:10:49,340 It was a lot less dangerous than this car ride. 1056 01:10:49,411 --> 01:10:52,812 Sorry. Nobody told 'em the wedding was canceled. The drove all the way from Florida. 1057 01:10:52,881 --> 01:10:55,315 I had to hang out with them for a while. 1058 01:10:55,384 --> 01:10:58,717 Get the fuck out of the way, asshole! 1059 01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:01,449 - Come on.! - Don't worry, Grandpa. I don't think he was talking to you. 1060 01:11:01,523 --> 01:11:05,550 Stop when you see a little ladies' room. I got to go. 1061 01:11:05,628 --> 01:11:09,496 - On a half a cup: 3.2 miles. - [Clicks Tongue] Oh! 1062 01:11:09,565 --> 01:11:14,200 - Was doin' it in the car the best idea? - % % [Man Singing On Radio, Indistinct] 1063 01:11:14,690 --> 01:11:16,731 Sorry. We'll be there soon enough. 1064 01:11:18,340 --> 01:11:19,739 Ah, thanks for coming out with me today. 1065 01:11:19,808 --> 01:11:22,675 I just could not stand to be in my house anymore. 1066 01:11:22,745 --> 01:11:25,578 - [Sighs] - Today was supposed to be the day before my wedding. 1067 01:11:25,648 --> 01:11:27,741 I should be getting my nails done... 1068 01:11:27,816 --> 01:11:31,470 and running around taking care of last-minute stuff. 1069 01:11:32,254 --> 01:11:34,449 You know, have a houseful of people... 1070 01:11:34,523 --> 01:11:36,514 relatives, friends, you know. 1071 01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:41,752 I woke up, and my house was like a morgue. 1072 01:11:41,830 --> 01:11:46,960 My parents went out to yard sales. Cliff had locked himself in the bathroom. 1073 01:11:46,168 --> 01:11:48,500 I think he spent the night in there. Freak. 1074 01:11:49,905 --> 01:11:53,680 God. It's just like... just like every day. 1075 01:11:54,176 --> 01:11:58,780 I know it sounds stupid, but I just... this whole big thing happened... 1076 01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,913 and it's like no big deal to anybody but me. 1077 01:12:01,984 --> 01:12:04,851 I bet you Jeremy is out having the time of his life. 1078 01:12:04,920 --> 01:12:07,218 Oh, fuck him! 1079 01:12:07,289 --> 01:12:09,519 Door-to-door service. 1080 01:12:15,764 --> 01:12:18,756 [Grandma] Give us a call if you need a ride home. 1081 01:12:18,834 --> 01:12:20,825 [Grandpa] See ya around. 1082 01:12:28,177 --> 01:12:30,168 All right, all right. 1083 01:12:30,245 --> 01:12:32,236 - [Gil] Surprise.! - [Biscuit] Surprise! 1084 01:12:32,314 --> 01:12:34,407 - What? - This is your bachelor party. 1085 01:12:34,483 --> 01:12:36,417 - Wow. - Ta-ha! 1086 01:12:36,485 --> 01:12:38,510 - Yeah! - I knew I should've brought the bowling ball. 1087 01:12:38,587 --> 01:12:40,578 - [Phone Ringing] - Shane, this is Gil. 1088 01:12:40,656 --> 01:12:42,817 - All right. Gil. - Nice to meet you. 1089 01:12:44,226 --> 01:12:47,684 He's the only guy I know who gets two bachelor parties, and he's not even gettin' married. 1090 01:12:47,763 --> 01:12:50,391 Seriously, what are you talking about? I told you the wedding was off. 1091 01:12:50,466 --> 01:12:54,368 We know this whole thing has been rough on you, so we thought we'd do something nice for ya... 1092 01:12:54,436 --> 01:12:56,597 and help get your mind off of things. 1093 01:12:56,672 --> 01:13:01,166 Nothing clears the mind like basking in the glow of a beautiful naked woman. 1094 01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:03,768 Besides, they refused to give us our money back. 1095 01:13:03,846 --> 01:13:06,713 Well, just got off the phone... 1096 01:13:06,782 --> 01:13:08,977 with our entertainment... K.C. 1097 01:13:09,985 --> 01:13:12,780 She just wanted to be sure my mother left. 1098 01:13:12,154 --> 01:13:16,523 I can't wait to see what she looks like. Believe it or not, Biscuit handled this one on his own. 1099 01:13:16,592 --> 01:13:20,756 - [Chuckles] - I had to go to the dentist, but I called the place beforehand. 1100 01:13:20,829 --> 01:13:23,992 This was foolproof. They said they had giant color catalogs. 1101 01:13:24,660 --> 01:13:27,100 All he had to do was flip through and pick a beautiful girl. 1102 01:13:27,690 --> 01:13:29,196 Even he can't screw this one up. 1103 01:13:30,939 --> 01:13:33,305 Biscuit, tell 'em. You couldn't have screwed this up, right? 1104 01:13:33,375 --> 01:13:36,208 They were all beautiful, dude. Just trust me. 1105 01:13:42,651 --> 01:13:45,677 All right, how did you pick one? What was your criteria? 1106 01:13:45,754 --> 01:13:48,552 Well, at first... 1107 01:13:48,624 --> 01:13:52,600 I just tried to find the hottest girl. 1108 01:13:52,127 --> 01:13:56,496 But they were all hot. So then, I asked the guy, like... 1109 01:13:56,565 --> 01:13:58,965 who he would recommend. 1110 01:13:59,340 --> 01:14:01,298 And he said they were all good, but... 1111 01:14:01,370 --> 01:14:05,807 he said, like, the ones in the back were a little bit more risqué. 1112 01:14:09,678 --> 01:14:12,875 - Risqué? - Yeah, you know... like, risqué. 1113 01:14:12,948 --> 01:14:17,248 Like, they're a little dirtier, a little nastier. They do tricks with bottles and stuff. 1114 01:14:18,821 --> 01:14:21,483 Did the guy tell you that? 1115 01:14:21,557 --> 01:14:23,582 Uh, no. I just assumed that's what he meant. 1116 01:14:23,659 --> 01:14:26,753 - Aw, for Christ sakes, Biscuit! - [Chuckles] 1117 01:14:26,829 --> 01:14:29,821 - What? I still saw her picture. - Was it her whole body? 1118 01:14:31,667 --> 01:14:35,680 - No. - Oh, man. 1119 01:14:37,306 --> 01:14:39,831 [Knocking] 1120 01:14:42,778 --> 01:14:45,542 Get the door, Biscuit. 1121 01:14:47,249 --> 01:14:50,776 - You're closer. - I'm not gettin' it. You get it. Get the door. 1122 01:14:50,853 --> 01:14:53,117 - You're closer! - Get the door. 1123 01:14:53,188 --> 01:14:55,179 - [Whispers] Oh, Jesus. - [Chuckles] 1124 01:14:55,257 --> 01:14:58,454 - You believe this? - Shut up! 1125 01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:04,489 [Laughs] 1126 01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:07,492 [Sighs] 1127 01:15:09,438 --> 01:15:11,429 [Whispers, Indistinct] 1128 01:15:11,507 --> 01:15:14,533 [Male Voice] Hi, guys. So who's our bachelor? 1129 01:15:18,130 --> 01:15:21,642 I don't even understand how he doesn't care. 1130 01:15:21,717 --> 01:15:24,447 This wedding was gonna affect his life too. 1131 01:15:25,454 --> 01:15:29,117 He just walked away like it doesn't matter... like I don't matter. 1132 01:15:31,193 --> 01:15:33,991 [Sighs] I at least deserve some answers. 1133 01:15:34,620 --> 01:15:37,429 Why don't you go talk to him? Demand some answers. 1134 01:15:37,499 --> 01:15:40,491 Beat it out of him if you have to. I'll help. 1135 01:15:40,569 --> 01:15:45,268 But, Kerri, if you don't get some closure on this, it's gonna fuck you up for a long time. 1136 01:15:46,909 --> 01:15:49,707 Can't look at him, Marty. 1137 01:15:49,778 --> 01:15:52,747 He's supposed to be my best friend. 1138 01:15:52,814 --> 01:15:54,805 How could he do that? 1139 01:15:55,817 --> 01:15:57,808 I don't know, sweetheart. 1140 01:15:59,888 --> 01:16:04,916 When you first called to tell me what was going on, I'd just found out I was pregnant. 1141 01:16:04,993 --> 01:16:08,485 I was all set to call the guy and tell him. 1142 01:16:08,564 --> 01:16:12,910 Then when you told me how Jeremy was acting towards you... 1143 01:16:12,167 --> 01:16:14,158 I decided not to. 1144 01:16:15,170 --> 01:16:19,231 I mean, the truth is, I don't know this guy all that well. 1145 01:16:19,308 --> 01:16:21,640 Who knows how he's gonna react. 1146 01:16:22,911 --> 01:16:25,641 But if he's as indifferent as Jeremy... 1147 01:16:25,714 --> 01:16:27,705 I don't know what I'd do. 1148 01:16:27,783 --> 01:16:32,220 Marty, please don't make any decisions based on Jeremy. 1149 01:16:33,221 --> 01:16:36,713 You can't carry this weight all by yourself. 1150 01:16:36,792 --> 01:16:39,659 You need someone to help you through it. 1151 01:16:39,728 --> 01:16:43,270 I feel bad, 'cause in a couple days I'm going back to Vegas. 1152 01:16:43,980 --> 01:16:45,589 We haven't really had a chance to talk about it. 1153 01:16:45,667 --> 01:16:50,161 But you know that I'm always here for you whenever you need anything. 1154 01:16:50,238 --> 01:16:54,140 You don't know what a relief it was just to say it out loud to you. 1155 01:16:54,209 --> 01:16:56,871 Marty, you gotta tell the guy. 1156 01:16:58,447 --> 01:17:02,213 You liked him enough to sleep with him, right? That's gotta say something about him. 1157 01:17:03,552 --> 01:17:07,318 I don't know. Maybe he'll flip out and run away. 1158 01:17:07,389 --> 01:17:11,553 And maybe you won't fall in love and live happily ever after. 1159 01:17:11,627 --> 01:17:13,618 That's his loss. 1160 01:17:14,696 --> 01:17:17,324 Could be a good guy, you know? 1161 01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:19,390 He could stand by you. 1162 01:17:21,470 --> 01:17:23,995 He deserves to know. 1163 01:17:24,720 --> 01:17:28,771 And who knows? Maybe you will fall in love and live happily ever after. 1164 01:17:31,213 --> 01:17:34,110 [Clicks Tongue] Oh, come on. You gotta stop crying. 1165 01:17:34,820 --> 01:17:36,710 - You look like a damn Hallmark commercial. - [Chuckles] 1166 01:17:36,785 --> 01:17:38,946 % % [Funk, Man Vocalizing] 1167 01:17:44,693 --> 01:17:46,684 - Mom! - [Woman Screams] 1168 01:17:46,762 --> 01:17:49,390 [Bottle Thuds] 1169 01:17:49,464 --> 01:17:52,297 That was so... wrong. 1170 01:17:55,404 --> 01:17:57,998 So this is what they do for fun in Jersey, huh? 1171 01:17:58,730 --> 01:18:01,133 Where do you learn you have that talent with the lit matches? 1172 01:18:02,511 --> 01:18:05,844 I can't believe my mom made us throw out the coffee table! 1173 01:18:09,685 --> 01:18:11,846 % % [Man Singing On Jukebox, Indistinct] 1174 01:18:11,920 --> 01:18:14,650 I'm still gonna get the rest of my money, right, boys? 1175 01:18:16,224 --> 01:18:20,251 Gil, if and when I finally do get married... 1176 01:18:20,328 --> 01:18:22,319 can we skip the bachelor party? 1177 01:18:22,397 --> 01:18:24,729 - The same for me. - Ditto. 1178 01:18:24,800 --> 01:18:27,963 I still want one. 1179 01:18:28,360 --> 01:18:31,631 - What? It was all right. - Thanks, sweetie. 1180 01:18:31,707 --> 01:18:33,766 So, then that wasn't a bachelor party after all. 1181 01:18:33,842 --> 01:18:35,833 [Scoffs] It was supposed to be. 1182 01:18:35,911 --> 01:18:39,813 Jeremy over there was supposed to get married, but they called it off. 1183 01:18:39,881 --> 01:18:42,850 Oh, how sad. What happened? 1184 01:18:42,918 --> 01:18:45,853 - Oh, it's kind of a long story. - [Chuckles] 1185 01:18:45,921 --> 01:18:47,786 - She dumped 'im. - Biscuit! 1186 01:18:47,856 --> 01:18:50,154 - What? - Do you mind? 1187 01:18:50,225 --> 01:18:53,626 - It's not your fault. It's Kerri's. - I know, but it's kind of personal. 1188 01:18:53,695 --> 01:18:56,528 When was the wedding supposed to be? 1189 01:18:56,598 --> 01:18:59,431 - This weekend. - And you said her name is Kerri? 1190 01:18:59,501 --> 01:19:03,494 - Yeah. - Short girl, about this height... 1191 01:19:03,572 --> 01:19:05,870 real pretty with shoulder-length hair? 1192 01:19:05,941 --> 01:19:07,932 Uh, yeah. 1193 01:19:09,177 --> 01:19:13,375 - How'd you know that? - Well, I met her last night. 1194 01:19:13,448 --> 01:19:17,430 You did? Where? 1195 01:19:17,119 --> 01:19:19,610 At a place called the Three Dollar Bill. It's a gay bar. 1196 01:19:24,459 --> 01:19:26,950 Oh, no. I don't think so. You must be mistaken. 1197 01:19:27,280 --> 01:19:29,724 She was there with another girl... a regular. 1198 01:19:29,798 --> 01:19:33,632 You know, she's real pretty... kind of dark hair, tattoos. 1199 01:19:33,702 --> 01:19:36,296 - Kind of scary. - Marty? 1200 01:19:36,371 --> 01:19:38,134 Yup. 1201 01:19:39,674 --> 01:19:41,665 Holy shit! 1202 01:19:43,780 --> 01:19:45,171 Wait! 1203 01:19:45,247 --> 01:19:48,375 Okay, there's... You must be making a mistake. 1204 01:19:48,450 --> 01:19:52,113 When I met her, she was telling the story of her wedding she had just called off. 1205 01:19:52,187 --> 01:19:56,715 I didn't hear the whole story, but she did say it was supposed to be this weekend. 1206 01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:59,727 Did she mention why she called it off? 1207 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,990 Like I said, I didn't hear the whole story... 1208 01:20:02,630 --> 01:20:05,829 but she did say that she wasn't getting enough. 1209 01:20:05,901 --> 01:20:09,268 - Enough what? - I don't know. 1210 01:20:09,337 --> 01:20:11,396 You tell me. 1211 01:20:13,175 --> 01:20:15,700 [Chuckles] All right. 1212 01:20:15,777 --> 01:20:18,712 This is ridiculous. It wasn't even her. 1213 01:20:18,780 --> 01:20:22,450 I don't know. That's a pretty accurate description of Kerri and Marty. 1214 01:20:22,117 --> 01:20:24,449 The wedding was supposed to be this weekend. 1215 01:20:24,519 --> 01:20:27,613 And she did say she wasn't getting enough. 1216 01:20:27,689 --> 01:20:29,782 You don't even know what she was talking about. 1217 01:20:29,858 --> 01:20:33,794 I know what she was talkin' about. You think he's hung? 1218 01:20:37,165 --> 01:20:39,156 Will you knock it off? 1219 01:20:39,234 --> 01:20:42,670 Can you imagine Kerri and Marty doin'the nasty? 1220 01:20:42,137 --> 01:20:44,731 Holy shit! I would pay good money to see that. 1221 01:20:44,806 --> 01:20:46,899 Oh. Is this Marty girl hot? 1222 01:20:46,975 --> 01:20:50,809 Hell yeah, and kinda scary in an exciting sort of way. 1223 01:20:50,879 --> 01:20:52,972 Biscuit, shut the fuck up. 1224 01:20:53,480 --> 01:20:56,814 Dude, I'd be pissed too. She never let you watch? That ain't right. 1225 01:20:56,885 --> 01:21:00,321 - [Gil] Biscuit, leave him alone. - [Shane] Come on. 1226 01:21:00,388 --> 01:21:03,789 He just found out he turned his girlfriend gay. For God sakes, have some compassion. 1227 01:21:03,859 --> 01:21:08,455 Okay, she's not gay! Marty definitely might be, but Kerri is not. 1228 01:21:08,530 --> 01:21:11,829 You have to admit, it all kinda makes sense now. 1229 01:21:11,900 --> 01:21:15,495 You said that she just sort of up and changed her mind about getting married. 1230 01:21:15,570 --> 01:21:19,506 - And you said that Marty picked her up from the airport. - What does that mean? 1231 01:21:19,574 --> 01:21:23,100 Picking someone up from the airport is a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of thing to do. 1232 01:21:24,246 --> 01:21:27,443 Okay, get all of this out of your system. I'm going to the bathroom. 1233 01:21:27,515 --> 01:21:30,678 When I get back, I don't want to hear another word about it. Got me? 1234 01:21:30,752 --> 01:21:34,170 Okay, but piss slow, 'cause we got a lot to talk about. Can you fucking imagine? 1235 01:21:34,890 --> 01:21:36,800 [Both Laugh] 1236 01:21:37,259 --> 01:21:39,250 % % [Continues, Indistinct] 1237 01:21:43,598 --> 01:21:44,326 [Ringing] 1238 01:21:47,602 --> 01:21:50,469 - Hello? - Hey, Cliff. It's Jeremy. 1239 01:21:50,538 --> 01:21:53,336 - How you doin', man? - Oh, hey, Jeremy. How are ya? 1240 01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:56,502 - Good. Is Kerri there? - She's not here. 1241 01:21:56,578 --> 01:22:01,380 - But she'll be back, 'cause Marty's sleeping over. - Marty's sleeping over? 1242 01:22:01,116 --> 01:22:04,847 - Can I take a message? - No message. Take care. 1243 01:22:08,590 --> 01:22:10,581 Pictures, movies... 1244 01:22:10,659 --> 01:22:13,787 They may as well make money off it. I could be their manager. 1245 01:22:13,862 --> 01:22:16,353 I'm tellin' you, man. They wouldn't even have to pay me. 1246 01:22:16,431 --> 01:22:20,367 Just let me sit in on a session every now and then. 1247 01:22:20,435 --> 01:22:24,640 - I wouldn't even touch 'em. - Will you please, please, Biscuit, shut up. 1248 01:22:24,139 --> 01:22:26,664 - God, really. - Come on. We gotta do this. 1249 01:22:26,741 --> 01:22:30,142 Jer, tonight we are gonna let you lead the way. It's your call. 1250 01:22:30,211 --> 01:22:33,408 - I don't know what to do. - You'll think of somethin'. Come on, boys. 1251 01:22:33,481 --> 01:22:36,575 - What exactly are we gonna do? - A little Jersey humor. 1252 01:22:36,651 --> 01:22:38,642 - [Chuckles] - Come on. 1253 01:22:47,829 --> 01:22:49,820 [Gil Whispers] Fuck! 1254 01:23:13,210 --> 01:23:15,353 [Gunshots] 1255 01:23:24,799 --> 01:23:26,790 [Panting] 1256 01:23:27,802 --> 01:23:30,270 - [Gunshot] - [Glass Shatters] 1257 01:23:38,947 --> 01:23:41,507 - [Grunting] Oh, Christ! - Is everybody okay? 1258 01:23:41,583 --> 01:23:43,983 - Oh, my God. Is my ear still there? - What? 1259 01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:47,780 - Holy shit, dude! You're bleeding! - I can't fuckin' hear anything. 1260 01:23:47,155 --> 01:23:50,283 - Is my ear still there? - Let me see. It's just a scratch. Relax. 1261 01:23:50,358 --> 01:23:53,555 - Hey, Quincy. Can we get the fuck outta here, please? - Ah, fuck you. 1262 01:23:53,628 --> 01:23:57,962 - Is this Jersey's idea of humor? What the fuck happened to knock-knock jokes? - That guy tried to kill us. 1263 01:23:58,330 --> 01:24:03,266 - I heard the bullet whiz by my ear. Why didn't you tell me we could get shot at? - That never happened before. 1264 01:24:03,338 --> 01:24:06,501 - Can we get the fuck outta here, please? - I can't find the fucking keys. 1265 01:24:06,574 --> 01:24:08,940 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Shut the fuck up, Biscuit. 1266 01:24:09,100 --> 01:24:11,478 I can't believe I just got shot at. 1267 01:24:11,546 --> 01:24:15,949 I bet if we would've made it to a light switch, we would've seen Kerri sittin' with a gun. 1268 01:24:16,170 --> 01:24:18,315 - Or Marty. - I can't believe you guys are making jokes. 1269 01:24:18,386 --> 01:24:21,150 I almost died. I saw my whole life pass before my eyes. 1270 01:24:21,222 --> 01:24:24,988 Biscuit saw his whole life flash before his eyes too. Sadly, he never does get laid. 1271 01:24:25,600 --> 01:24:27,187 Fuck you! You gonna start the car or what? 1272 01:24:27,262 --> 01:24:31,289 - Seriously, dude. What's goin' on? - I can't find the fucking keys. 1273 01:24:31,366 --> 01:24:35,200 What the fuck are we gonna do? We gonna wait here for Bernard Goetz to come get us? 1274 01:24:35,270 --> 01:24:38,967 - That's it. Open the door. I'm gonna walk. - Dude, you don't even know where you are. 1275 01:24:39,400 --> 01:24:41,508 It's New Jersey. I'll walk to the nearest chemical plant. 1276 01:24:41,576 --> 01:24:44,100 No, seriously, dude. What are we gonna do? 1277 01:24:44,790 --> 01:24:48,379 I don't know. We'll wait for a little while, and we'll go back and try and find the keys. 1278 01:24:48,450 --> 01:24:51,681 - I don't know. - You mean, you'll go back and try to find the keys. 1279 01:24:51,753 --> 01:24:53,846 - Damn straight. - Oh, nice friends. 1280 01:24:53,922 --> 01:24:57,551 - Hey, I just met ya. - I wish I never knew you. 1281 01:24:57,625 --> 01:24:59,616 Thanks for letting me stay over. 1282 01:24:59,694 --> 01:25:02,686 Please, Marty, you don't have to thank me. 1283 01:25:02,764 --> 01:25:05,528 - Is your mom gonna be okay? - She'll be fine. 1284 01:25:05,600 --> 01:25:08,467 - Her friends vodka and tonic came over to soothe her. - [Laughs] 1285 01:25:08,536 --> 01:25:14,236 I had to get out of there before the word "whore" came out of her mouth. I'd hate to throw her down a flight of stairs. 1286 01:25:14,309 --> 01:25:17,278 She's practically a grandmother after all. 1287 01:25:19,681 --> 01:25:22,775 - You know, that's the first thing she said when I told her. - Hmm? 1288 01:25:22,851 --> 01:25:24,785 "I'm too young to be a grandmother." 1289 01:25:24,853 --> 01:25:27,583 Not, "How are you? Do you need anything? You okay?" 1290 01:25:27,655 --> 01:25:30,123 "I'm too young to be a grandmother." 1291 01:25:30,191 --> 01:25:34,821 Nice. Well, you know, if you ever need to, you can always stay here. 1292 01:25:34,896 --> 01:25:37,888 My parents would love that. Cliff would love that. 1293 01:25:37,966 --> 01:25:41,493 [Chuckles] I can't live here, Kerri. 1294 01:25:41,569 --> 01:25:45,437 In six months, I won't be able to lift the mattress. How would I get my underwear? 1295 01:25:45,507 --> 01:25:47,441 [Chuckles] Good night, Marty. 1296 01:25:47,509 --> 01:25:49,500 Good night, Kerri. 1297 01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,958 - Move! - [Jeremy] What the hell's going on? 1298 01:26:11,320 --> 01:26:13,728 Good morning, ladies. I got the keys. 1299 01:26:13,801 --> 01:26:16,770 - Where were they? - They were right on the edge of the guy's pool. 1300 01:26:16,838 --> 01:26:19,966 One more inch and I would have spent the morning swimming. 1301 01:26:20,975 --> 01:26:22,909 - Is he all right? - Biscuit? 1302 01:26:22,977 --> 01:26:25,700 - [Biscuit] What? - He's fine. 1303 01:26:25,146 --> 01:26:27,171 So, you guys want breakfast? 1304 01:26:27,248 --> 01:26:29,580 Yeah, we gotta make one stop first. 1305 01:27:07,789 --> 01:27:10,121 Jeremy, what are you doing here? 1306 01:27:10,191 --> 01:27:12,819 You know what this is? 1307 01:27:12,894 --> 01:27:14,919 - A ratty old hat? - No. 1308 01:27:14,996 --> 01:27:16,987 This. 1309 01:27:18,366 --> 01:27:23,360 - A hole in a ratty old hat? - No. It's a sign from God. Look at my ear. 1310 01:27:23,438 --> 01:27:28,102 - Is it bleeding? - A little. Jeremy, what's going on? 1311 01:27:28,176 --> 01:27:32,340 I almost died last night. I got shot. Well, almost. 1312 01:27:32,413 --> 01:27:35,507 - It went right through my hat. - What are you talking about? 1313 01:27:35,583 --> 01:27:38,245 - Who tried to shoot at you? - I bet it was those guys. 1314 01:27:38,319 --> 01:27:41,288 - It wasn't them. It was just some guy. - Jeremy, this is not funny. 1315 01:27:41,356 --> 01:27:43,449 Kerri, I need to talk to you. 1316 01:27:43,524 --> 01:27:45,515 Could we please talk? 1317 01:27:46,561 --> 01:27:48,995 Come on. 1318 01:27:50,965 --> 01:27:53,934 [Groans] Fine. I'll wait out here. 1319 01:28:04,712 --> 01:28:08,110 I can't believe this. 1320 01:28:08,820 --> 01:28:11,950 Kerri, I need to know what's going on. 1321 01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:14,386 With what? 1322 01:28:14,455 --> 01:28:18,323 All right. Don't be flippant, okay? I need to know what's going on with us. 1323 01:28:18,393 --> 01:28:21,760 I need to know... to know what happened. 1324 01:28:22,897 --> 01:28:25,491 When we called off the wedding... 1325 01:28:25,566 --> 01:28:28,000 and you moved out, what did you think was happening? 1326 01:28:28,690 --> 01:28:30,264 I don't know. 1327 01:28:30,338 --> 01:28:32,772 I thought... 1328 01:28:32,840 --> 01:28:35,700 I thought you were having cold feet or something. 1329 01:28:35,143 --> 01:28:38,780 I thought you needed some time away from me. 1330 01:28:38,146 --> 01:28:40,580 Did you think you were having cold feet? 1331 01:28:40,648 --> 01:28:42,582 Did you think you needed time away from me? 1332 01:28:42,650 --> 01:28:44,641 No. 1333 01:28:46,354 --> 01:28:49,414 I'm just... I'm trying to figure something out here. 1334 01:28:49,490 --> 01:28:54,689 I'm trying to figure out why you never said anything... 1335 01:28:54,762 --> 01:28:57,356 why you never tried to stop it. 1336 01:28:58,433 --> 01:29:00,833 It was like you were relieved. 1337 01:29:00,902 --> 01:29:03,871 I wasn't relieved. I just didn't know what the hell was going on. 1338 01:29:03,938 --> 01:29:07,704 We never even fought before. I mean, not seriously. 1339 01:29:09,410 --> 01:29:11,469 What do you think made me do it? 1340 01:29:13,281 --> 01:29:15,647 I don't know. Maybe you were seeing someone else. 1341 01:29:15,717 --> 01:29:19,653 Oh, come on, Jeremy. I didn't even talk to other guys when I was with you. 1342 01:29:19,721 --> 01:29:21,746 Maybe it wasn't a guy. 1343 01:29:21,823 --> 01:29:24,257 What the fuck is that supposed to mean? 1344 01:29:24,325 --> 01:29:27,453 You ever heard of the Three Dollar Bill? 1345 01:29:27,528 --> 01:29:29,792 Oh, my God. 1346 01:29:29,864 --> 01:29:34,267 Jeremy, it's not what you think. 1347 01:29:34,335 --> 01:29:38,660 - So you were there last night? - Yeah, yeah. 1348 01:29:38,139 --> 01:29:40,733 I was there last night, but... 1349 01:29:40,808 --> 01:29:44,574 we just... we wanted to go somewhere where we wouldn't be hassled by guys. 1350 01:29:44,645 --> 01:29:48,103 That's it. What, do you think I'm gay? 1351 01:29:48,182 --> 01:29:50,912 What am I supposed to think? I got transvestites telling me... 1352 01:29:50,985 --> 01:29:55,115 they ran into you at a bar... a gay bar... and with Marty who's there all the time... 1353 01:29:55,189 --> 01:29:59,523 and now she's sleeping over at your house, and correct me if I'm wrong, but you guys are sharing pajamas now. 1354 01:29:59,594 --> 01:30:01,585 What the hell am I supposed to think? 1355 01:30:01,662 --> 01:30:06,990 If you actually think that I left you because I'm gay... 1356 01:30:06,167 --> 01:30:09,933 you've got some fucking problems. [Sighs] 1357 01:30:11,539 --> 01:30:16,499 I left because you took me for granted. 1358 01:30:16,577 --> 01:30:19,637 I left because you didn't appreciate me. 1359 01:30:19,714 --> 01:30:24,480 Because I was sick of feeling bad about myself because of you. 1360 01:30:29,230 --> 01:30:31,958 You think that's pretty ridiculous, don't you? 1361 01:30:32,260 --> 01:30:34,460 So did I at first. 1362 01:30:34,529 --> 01:30:38,966 And when we were sitting on the couch and I asked you if you wanted to call off the wedding... 1363 01:30:39,330 --> 01:30:41,968 I thought I was being pretty ridiculous too. 1364 01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:44,937 But imagine my surprise when you answered back... 1365 01:30:45,600 --> 01:30:47,304 "Why? Is that what you want?" 1366 01:30:48,643 --> 01:30:51,544 Those are the words of a guy who couldn't give a shit. 1367 01:30:51,612 --> 01:30:55,275 And you further proved that and blew me away... 1368 01:30:55,349 --> 01:30:59,217 when you moved out without a care in the world. 1369 01:31:00,721 --> 01:31:04,540 You keep saying that I'm the one that broke off the wedding. 1370 01:31:04,125 --> 01:31:07,390 We both know that's not true. 1371 01:31:07,462 --> 01:31:10,488 I'm just the first one who said it out loud. 1372 01:31:18,406 --> 01:31:22,103 - Well, it's just, uh... - Just say it, Jeremy. 1373 01:31:22,176 --> 01:31:24,167 You can't hurt me anymore. 1374 01:31:25,413 --> 01:31:27,381 I was just scared. 1375 01:31:27,448 --> 01:31:30,760 Scared of what? 1376 01:31:30,151 --> 01:31:32,779 Scared of marrying you. 1377 01:31:33,788 --> 01:31:36,348 Scared of being married. 1378 01:31:37,992 --> 01:31:41,826 We've been together a long time, Kerri, since we were kids. 1379 01:31:41,896 --> 01:31:44,364 We've missed out on a lot. 1380 01:31:49,170 --> 01:31:53,539 When I get married, I'm only gonna do it once. 1381 01:31:53,608 --> 01:31:56,975 It's forever. I don't want you or me five or 10 years from now... 1382 01:31:57,440 --> 01:32:01,140 to wonder if there was something better out there. 1383 01:32:01,215 --> 01:32:03,706 I never wondered, Jeremy. 1384 01:32:05,820 --> 01:32:09,916 Neither did I. I just thought that maybe we weren't ready to get married and you felt it too. 1385 01:32:09,991 --> 01:32:13,586 I thought after we called off the wedding, everything would go back to the way it was. 1386 01:32:13,661 --> 01:32:17,358 Oh. So we were just supposed to pretend that nothing happened? 1387 01:32:17,431 --> 01:32:20,958 So, I get it. You're not cold and callous. You're just stupid. 1388 01:32:21,350 --> 01:32:26,530 I never intended to lose you, Kerri. You've gotta believe that. 1389 01:32:26,607 --> 01:32:31,510 Do you have... Do you have any idea what you put me through? 1390 01:32:31,579 --> 01:32:35,845 Why couldn't you just share your big idea with me? 1391 01:32:35,917 --> 01:32:38,545 Instead, you acted indifferent through the whole thing... 1392 01:32:38,619 --> 01:32:41,486 and made me feel like I was living in some fucking dream world. 1393 01:32:41,556 --> 01:32:44,240 I'm so sorry, Ker. 1394 01:32:44,910 --> 01:32:47,151 I'm so sorry. Please, give me another chance. 1395 01:32:48,296 --> 01:32:51,940 I've given you chances, Jeremy. 1396 01:32:51,165 --> 01:32:54,225 And if you're asking me for another one... 1397 01:32:54,302 --> 01:32:56,463 the answer's "no." 1398 01:32:56,537 --> 01:33:02,320 Because you lost me long before you called off the wedding. 1399 01:33:02,109 --> 01:33:05,943 - What are you talking about? - [Sighs] 1400 01:33:06,130 --> 01:33:09,278 When was the last time you bought me flowers... 1401 01:33:09,350 --> 01:33:14,947 or... or sent me a love note or said "I love you" before I did? 1402 01:33:15,220 --> 01:33:18,355 Jesus, just because I didn't do those things doesn't mean I don't love you. 1403 01:33:18,426 --> 01:33:21,156 - You know I love you. - I know, Jeremy. 1404 01:33:21,228 --> 01:33:24,493 But just because you send someone flowers or a little note... 1405 01:33:24,565 --> 01:33:26,499 doesn't mean you love them. 1406 01:33:26,567 --> 01:33:31,334 But it's those things combined with everything else that reassures a person. 1407 01:33:32,907 --> 01:33:36,172 I just needed to be reassured. 1408 01:33:38,613 --> 01:33:42,743 Kerri, my God, if I knew I would lose you by not doing those things... 1409 01:33:42,817 --> 01:33:45,752 I would buy you flowers every day. 1410 01:33:50,910 --> 01:33:54,187 I will do whatever it takes to show you I love you... 1411 01:33:54,261 --> 01:33:57,662 not just today or tomorrow, but every day. 1412 01:33:58,666 --> 01:34:02,500 I would marry you right now if I even thought for a second you would have me. 1413 01:34:02,570 --> 01:34:06,836 I swear I would. And I don't expect you to take me back, but... 1414 01:34:06,907 --> 01:34:10,343 please let me try and prove myself to you. 1415 01:34:14,281 --> 01:34:16,215 Kerri, I love you. 1416 01:34:16,283 --> 01:34:18,843 [Door Opens] 1417 01:34:18,919 --> 01:34:23,822 Uh, Kerri, could you come outside? Marty's beating the crap out of Biscuit. 1418 01:34:23,891 --> 01:34:25,882 What? 1419 01:34:28,129 --> 01:34:31,621 - [Jeremy] What happened? - Biscuit told Marty he wanted to become her and Kerri's manager... 1420 01:34:31,699 --> 01:34:33,758 and watch 'em go at it, and she flipped out. 1421 01:34:33,834 --> 01:34:35,768 - [Kerri] Manager? - [Jeremy] Huh? 1422 01:34:35,836 --> 01:34:38,464 - Come on, Marty. - [Marty Grunting] 1423 01:34:38,539 --> 01:34:41,269 Come on, sweetheart. Let's go. One more. One more. 1424 01:34:41,342 --> 01:34:43,537 - All right, enough. - [Kerri] Marty, the baby! 1425 01:34:43,611 --> 01:34:46,444 - Don't call me a baby! - Not you, asshole! She's pregnant! 1426 01:34:46,514 --> 01:34:50,314 - Kerri! - Ooh, is it mine? 1427 01:34:50,384 --> 01:34:52,852 - Shut the fuck up, Biscuit! - Ow! 1428 01:34:53,854 --> 01:34:56,150 It's mine, isn't it? 1429 01:34:58,993 --> 01:35:01,587 Not exactly the way I wanted you to find out. 1430 01:35:05,566 --> 01:35:07,625 You slept with Marty? 1431 01:35:10,137 --> 01:35:12,469 You slept with Marty, and you didn't tell me? 1432 01:35:12,540 --> 01:35:15,737 - This is the businessman? - I didn't say he was a businessman. 1433 01:35:15,810 --> 01:35:18,301 I said he owned his own business. 1434 01:35:18,379 --> 01:35:20,347 Lawn Wranglers is hardly a business. 1435 01:35:20,414 --> 01:35:24,430 - Hey, it's a business. - Marty is having my kid. 1436 01:35:24,118 --> 01:35:27,952 - Our kid. - Our kid. 1437 01:35:28,220 --> 01:35:31,981 Well, at least you won't have to pick out a name. Damien will do. 1438 01:35:32,590 --> 01:35:34,892 Look, Marty... 1439 01:35:34,962 --> 01:35:38,220 I know you're probably less than thrilled about this, but... 1440 01:35:38,990 --> 01:35:40,727 I want you to know I'll do my part, whatever it is. 1441 01:35:40,801 --> 01:35:43,895 I mean, if you just want me to go away... 1442 01:35:43,971 --> 01:35:46,804 I won't like it, but I'll do it. 1443 01:35:46,874 --> 01:35:51,868 If you want me to be there, I'll be there every step of the way. 1444 01:36:05,226 --> 01:36:07,217 I'm sorry. 1445 01:36:21,876 --> 01:36:25,471 - [Gil] Are you guys sure about this? - Of course we're sure about this. 1446 01:36:25,546 --> 01:36:27,639 Yeah, but this is your honeymoon. 1447 01:36:27,715 --> 01:36:30,912 See a ring on this finger? Seriously, this is supposed to be our honeymoon... 1448 01:36:30,985 --> 01:36:33,852 and we wouldn't enjoy it knowing it's not. 1449 01:36:33,921 --> 01:36:37,550 - Plus, it's a good chance for you two to spend some time together. - And it's Disney World. 1450 01:36:37,625 --> 01:36:42,995 - You get a little dose of hyped-up kids to show you what you're in for. - [Chuckles] 1451 01:36:44,131 --> 01:36:46,224 Speaking of hyped-up kids, where's Biscuit? 1452 01:36:46,300 --> 01:36:48,928 - He said he was coming to the airport this morning. - Yeah. 1453 01:36:49,300 --> 01:36:51,995 Oh, he's giving Shane a little going-away present for me. 1454 01:36:52,720 --> 01:36:54,233 - Is Shane going back today? - Maybe. 1455 01:36:54,308 --> 01:36:57,800 [Woman Over P.A.] Flight 67 from Newark to Miami... 1456 01:36:57,878 --> 01:36:59,869 You guys should get on the plane. 1457 01:36:59,947 --> 01:37:03,678 - Okay. Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 1458 01:37:03,751 --> 01:37:07,312 - You got those, big guy? - Yeah, I got these. 1459 01:37:07,388 --> 01:37:10,380 - You wanna help me out? You can help me. - You're a weak man. 1460 01:37:10,457 --> 01:37:13,850 - [Kerri] Have a nice time. - I'll call you when I get back. 1461 01:37:13,160 --> 01:37:15,940 - [Gil] See you, man. - [Marty] I love you. 1462 01:37:15,162 --> 01:37:17,960 - Bring me back the ears. - I will. 1463 01:37:17,164 --> 01:37:19,530 - Jer. [Grunts] - [Jeremy] Ooh. See that? 1464 01:37:19,600 --> 01:37:22,000 - Just kidding. Bye. - Humor. That's good. 1465 01:37:22,690 --> 01:37:24,128 - [Gil] See you. - [Kerri] Bye, guys. 1466 01:37:24,205 --> 01:37:28,107 - You realize they're gonna kill each other, don't you? - Absolutely. 1467 01:37:28,175 --> 01:37:30,643 [Alarm Beeping] 1468 01:37:30,711 --> 01:37:33,646 [Shane] Okay, I am telling you that it's just a joke. 1469 01:37:33,714 --> 01:37:36,182 Sir, I can't let you on the plane with that thing on. 1470 01:37:36,250 --> 01:37:40,311 [Chuckles] Okay. What am I gonna do? Throw it through the window and kill us all? 1471 01:37:40,387 --> 01:37:43,652 - Sir, step out of line and let the other people through. - Okay! 1472 01:37:43,724 --> 01:37:45,954 My plane is leaving! 1473 01:37:46,260 --> 01:37:48,510 [Guard] Step out of line, sir. 1474 01:37:48,128 --> 01:37:51,120 % % [Rock] 1475 01:38:04,578 --> 01:38:08,173 [Man] % You say that I've been gone too long% 1476 01:38:09,183 --> 01:38:13,119 % As the memory of me begins to fade% 1477 01:38:13,187 --> 01:38:16,588 % Should you and me have waited% 1478 01:38:20,261 --> 01:38:25,198 % I could send you postcards I could tell you what I've seen% 1479 01:38:25,266 --> 01:38:28,463 % Tell you I'm not afraid% 1480 01:38:28,535 --> 01:38:32,335 % As the memory of me begins to fade% 1481 01:38:36,310 --> 01:38:40,700 % Well, I've been drunk and you have won% 1482 01:38:40,800 --> 01:38:42,207 % And I wanted% 1483 01:38:42,283 --> 01:38:46,219 % Someone who would believe I'm sick of myself% 1484 01:38:46,287 --> 01:38:48,778 % I'm sick of falling% 1485 01:38:48,856 --> 01:38:52,314 % In the spaces in between% 1486 01:38:54,940 --> 01:38:58,394 % So far away I just wanna hear your voice% 1487 01:38:58,465 --> 01:39:00,695 % Speak my name% 1488 01:39:02,536 --> 01:39:06,495 % So far away Was my innocence wasted% 1489 01:39:06,573 --> 01:39:08,734 % Slipping away% 1490 01:39:10,244 --> 01:39:12,439 % Thought you'd stay% 1491 01:39:20,821 --> 01:39:24,222 % Yeah, I dream of a Kansas sky% 1492 01:39:25,225 --> 01:39:28,717 % Let's watch the colors as they fade% 1493 01:39:28,796 --> 01:39:32,254 % lf only for one day% 1494 01:39:36,270 --> 01:39:38,738 % It's cold and it rains here% 1495 01:39:38,806 --> 01:39:41,297 % And it's not quite right without you% 1496 01:39:41,375 --> 01:39:43,969 % I wanna know the truth Does% 1497 01:39:44,440 --> 01:39:47,445 % Does anything else stay the same% 1498 01:39:51,986 --> 01:39:55,615 % Well, I've been drunk and you have won% 1499 01:39:55,689 --> 01:39:59,216 % And I wanted someone who would believe% 1500 01:39:59,293 --> 01:40:01,761 % I'm sick of myself% 1501 01:40:01,829 --> 01:40:04,320 % I'm sick of falling% 1502 01:40:04,398 --> 01:40:07,856 % In the spaces in between% 1503 01:40:09,636 --> 01:40:13,936 % So far away I just wanna hear your voice% 1504 01:40:14,800 --> 01:40:16,238 % Speak my name% 1505 01:40:17,678 --> 01:40:22,470 % So far away Was my innocence wasted% 1506 01:40:22,116 --> 01:40:24,277 % Slipping away% 1507 01:40:25,986 --> 01:40:28,181 % Thought you'd stay% 1508 01:40:52,179 --> 01:40:56,673 % Yeah, I wonder every time% 1509 01:40:56,750 --> 01:41:00,311 % I stare at this photograph you left me% 1510 01:41:00,387 --> 01:41:03,754 % It's the only thing I've saved% 1511 01:41:07,728 --> 01:41:10,600 % 'Cause you're not alone here% 1512 01:41:10,130 --> 01:41:12,598 % Does he ever act like me% 1513 01:41:12,666 --> 01:41:15,396 % Just sticking for the season% 1514 01:41:15,469 --> 01:41:17,460 % Just floodin'my memory% 1515 01:41:17,538 --> 01:41:19,768 % Let it raise% 1516 01:41:25,345 --> 01:41:29,645 % So far away I just wanna hear your voice% 1517 01:41:29,716 --> 01:41:31,946 % Speak my name% 1518 01:41:33,353 --> 01:41:37,517 % So far away Was my innocence wasted% 1519 01:41:37,591 --> 01:41:39,991 % Slipping away% 1520 01:41:41,495 --> 01:41:44,191 % Slipping away% 1521 01:41:47,501 --> 01:41:51,767 % I could send you postcards I could send you pictures% 1522 01:41:51,839 --> 01:41:54,535 % Yeah, I could tell you what I've seen% 1523 01:41:54,608 --> 01:41:57,873 % Tell you what I have seen% 1524 01:41:57,945 --> 01:42:00,277 % 'Cause the memory of me% 1525 01:42:00,347 --> 01:42:04,306 % The memory of me begins to fade% % 1526 01:42:16,000 --> 01:42:17,306 {{{ the end }}}